Session 135 – “I’ll Get Some of my Butt Poops”

Everyone in the party but Jeb retired to the space station, whilst Jeb stealthily followed Enir. He was careful to wear a disguise, disguise his route, and generally stay out of sight as he skulked along behind her with a cellphone, recording evertything she got up to and snagging valuables.

Enir went to the Internet’s tower, which the party had indicated in the previous session. She hacked her way through the door, and just walked through the place letting monsters attack her as she went. Once they had teeth in her she’d stab them to death with a knife, then simply…regrow any limbs they’d bitten off. She walked casually through the whole place like that: first the monsters, then the traps. The offices were empty and Jeb managed to grab some potentially useful disks in there. A group of guards tried to mow her down with gunfire, but she performed some kind of push spell, knocked them all down, then walked around cutting their throats one by one. Jeb took this opportunity to grab an SMG.

Enir got into a proper wizard battle with Professor Gas Chamber, and KILLED HIM. The first member of the Internet high council to die, and it was done almost casually. She also encountered another wizard who tried to attack her with lightning. Jeb didn’t get a good look at that one before they blew a hole in the side of the building and jumped to escape this crazy girl who can’t die.

She got onto the space ship, and Jeb got on with her. They went out into space and chatted for a bit while she waited for the aliens to show up. they did, and seemed confused by her intense desire to be captured by them. In particular she seemed interested in the potential that they might be able to figure out how to kill her. Jeb, meanwhile, was staying well out of sight. He followed the aliens onto their ship as they took Enir away into captivity, and heard them say they were planning to scuttle the vessel.

Once aboard the alien vessel Jeb found a tiny room where the aliens keep something like space suits, and he T H O R O U G H L Y defiled them. Every excretion of a human body was stealthily spread around the room. Several narcotics Jeb was carrying were spread around. All sorts of stuff, hopefully spreading some illness among the aliens.

Jeb then created a magic circle with his urine, and teleported back to a waypoint he’d set outside the Internet tower. He then tried to teleport home but accidentaly wound up in the sewers with a tentacle monster. Fortunately it was fairly weak, and the referee was in a hurry, so it got killed good and dead.

Thus ended the session.

LOOT:

  • A satchel of small glass cubes that seem heavier than they should be. There are 14 of these. when placed in a careful arrangement (described on the inside of the satchel), the cubes instantaneously transform into a comfortable manse with 14 rooms.
  • A stalk of wheat. A wand with a d6 exhaustion die. May be used in conjunction with any normal casting to reduce the spell’s difficulty by 1.
  • An ancient Chick Tract called “Angels?” with notes in the margin about potentially using it to commune with demons.
  • An oversize coin which, when set spinning, everybody who looks at it has to make a saving throw versus paralyzation or become transfixed on it. A roll is required to see how long you’re able to make it spin.
  • A silk tie. Grey with thin white stripes on the diagonal.
  • An SMG
  • A Snubnosed Revolver Pistol
  • A significant archive of Internet data covering various engineering projects, YouTube searches, and info on the Aliens. The party doesn’t have everything, but the Internet as an organization has very few secrets at this point.