Session 9 – Death of a 10 Year Old with a Dick for a Nose

Dramatis Personae
+Linlin Kins  as Umquat
+Spencer Kelty  as Virgil
+Cory Davidson  as Spanner
+Ronnie Whelan as Ronnina


Umquat got Rat AIDS, but it’s not really an issue.
Umquat died.

NPC Relationships
The Zucchini Vendor – In their second encounter, the party bought more Zucchini, again with promises that it would make their penises much better (Not larger. Better.) The Zucchini vendor revealed that he is a devoted follower beneath the black, that he has a passionate distaste for techno priests, and that he has 300 hungry daughters to feed. This last bit is probably an exaggeration meant to drive sales, but who knows?

The Vagrant Tech Vendor – The Vagrant has a mousy kinda voice. He seems like a shifty, perverted little fucker. He kept his inventory in his pants, and even wrapped a mouse cable around his ballsack like it was a display case. When given Giga Zucchini as payment he swallowed them whole like he was trying to impress the party with his blowjob skills, and bragged about how great his dick was gonna be.

The Family in 34C – The party peacefully borrowed their home for a short time, with promises that the family would not get involved with the fight against the glowy eyed motherfuckers. A window was broken in the battle, but their home is thusfar undisturbed otherwise.

Highlights Recap
As the fires of the player’s ambush died down, Spanner jogged up, apologized for being late, and healed Virgil, brining him up to 4hp. Meanwhile, Ronnina and Umquat attempted to descend from their sniping perch, but clumsily disturbed the wall of the dilapidated building. It collapsed inwards, spilling a wave of rats over them. Both were required to make a save versus poison to resist disease, Ronnina succeeded, Umquat failed.

The party determined that their best course of action was to find a more fortified sniping position. Given the propensity of the dilapidated buildings to collapse and cause injury, the party opted for one of the inhabited buildings overlooking the food dispensary’s entrance from a northern angle.

The lower floor of this building was a sort of vagrant forum, with market stalls and hobos huddled in corners. Virgil went looking for anyone who might be selling technology, and instead ran into the same Giga-Zucchini Vendor which the party encountered in an earlier session. After purchasing some Zucchini, the vendor directed the party towards someone who was selling technology. The vagrant only had 3 largely useless pieces of tech hidden beneath his pants–a modem strapped to one leg, a bit of cat 5 wrapped around the other, and a mouse hanging like a tourniquet from his scrotum. Virgil passed on the measly offerings, but Spanner paid homage to his gods by purchasing these relics so that they might be treated better. He balked at the initial cost of “150 each, or 300 for the lot,” but then the vagrant agreed to sell his three items in exchange for 3 giga zucchini. He swallowed them whole, bragging about how great his dick was gonna be.

Virgil went upstairs and selected an apartment that seemed like it would have a good vantage point. He negotiated with the residents in good faith. They acknowledged that they didn’t like the glowy-eyed-motherfuckers; but also didn’t want to get themselves involved in fighting them. Virgil assured the family that they wouldn’t be implicated at all, and that he really just needed them to leave their apartment for a couple hours. He’d take care of the rest and be gone when they got back. For the price of 50 credits, the family agreed to Virgil’s plan.

Meanwhile, Spanner set about building an improvised choke point downstairs; a V-shaped pair of walls that funneled the 10′ wide door down to about 3′. Ronnina further prepared the battlefield by spraying the remainder of her gasoline around that space.

Virgil, from his hiding position, was able to get off multiple shots before being noticed, killing the three visible foes, before a fourth (using a mirror to see around a corner) popped out and used his gaze attack. Virgil managed to avoid the blast, and fired blindly at his attacker, also missing. Now that the enemy knew where they were, it was time to wait for them to come out.

Ronnina, Spanner, and Virgil positioned themselves near the choke point, while Umquat acted as forward scout for the group, standing outside and waiting for the glowy-eyed freaks to show themselves.

For 20 minutes, nothing happened. Without warning a team of 6 of them came charging out of their base at full tilt. Umquat made to dive back into the safety of the building, but the attackers won initiative. Six gazes of judgement burned towards Umquat, and four out of six saving throws were failed. Umquat, already at zero, began taking crits.

The side of her neck began to glow bright red, then white. She screamed a breath of fire as her neck melted away like wax. Umquat fell to the ground, her spinal column severed, doing her best to cough enough fluid out of her wind pipe to gasp a few final breaths of air. It took her four rounds to die, gurgling just a few feet from her helpless comrades.

Without the benefit of a spotter, the players were unable to follow the attackers movements until they were right on top of them. Two glowy eyed women charged into the choke point, but the fire trap ambush worked a second time, immolating the first attacker entirely. The second managed to skid to a halt before following her comrade into the flames, but this just left her open to a deadly crossbow bolt to her chest.

There was an odd moment of silence as Umquat took her last breath on the crumbling pavement outside.

The session ended In Media Res

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