Session 71 – Interview with a Vampire

Dramatis Personae
+Moreven Brushwood as The Four Gobbos
+Ronnie Whelan as Ronnina
+Adventures of the Mind as Don Harper of Mars

Loot
A vampire testicle

NPC Interactions
Albert & Sheniqua both had a decent time on this adventure.

Lord Bautil – Made an arrangement with the party for 3 months of noninvasive experiments in exchange for freedom.
Bric Shelic – Continues to work with the party on the job he was paid for recently.

Highlight Recap

The party returned to the trapped vampire, and set Bric Shelic to work removing him–gradually–from the apparatus he was attached to. They began with the tubes inside his mouth, after which Don tried to speak to him. After a moment with no response, Bric suggested that perhaps they should uncover his ears. Don agreed, and Bric took some time to remove a pair of clamshell things which fit over the creature’s ears.

Don introduced himself again, and this time the vampire responded, but seemed confused. They went back and forth a bit, with Don trying to outline his plan, and the vampire acting confused about where the voice was coming from, who was speaking, and what anything they were saying actually meant. Then the gobbos tickled his feet, and he threatened to find and torture the unseen agents who had done that.

It was eventually determined that the vampire was experiencing some kind of fictional reality within the machine, and that he presently believed he was in his harem. Once this was communicated to the vampire, he seemed to understand what had happened to him (though he didn’t go into any detail). The players then removed his eyepieces–though they kept the head clamps in place to prevent him from looking at anyone and hypnotizing them.

He introduced himself as Lord Bautil, born in 1672, and turned to a vampire in the year 1705. He described himself as British gentry who had lived a long existence on earth, and then traveled to Mars when the option became available, in search of something new. Beyond that, he wouldn’t say much about his life.

Don Harper offered him an explicit deal: in exchange for his freedom, he would stay–in comfort–in Trumpquatia for 3 months, and allow them to perform non-invasive experiments on them. Afterwords, he would accept an NGage from the party, and remain in communication with them. Aside from some mocking of their use of NGages, the vampire agreed to these terms.

Don asked what assurances Bautil could offer that he would do them no harm once freed, and he said he could offer only his word. Chuffy asked god if the vampire’s word was good, and God agreed that it was, so the party chose to accept it.

Don then claimed that they would need to “put him under” while they removed the rest of the apparatuses. He tried to shoot the vampire with a tranquilizer pistol, which didn’t work. He then tried to get Bric Shelic to do some stuff, but that didn’t work either. The vampire asked why they needed him unconscious so badly, and Don explained that part of the terms of freeing him was that they needed one of his testicles. The vampire didn’t seem as upset by this as Don feared he would be, and if anything was a little annoyed they hadn’t persisted with their lie. Since, if they had done so without informing him, he would feel no obligation to honor his bargain with them. But they had, and so he gave them his blessing to remove it, which Bric swiftly did.

While Bric worked on preserving the semen-producing powers of the testicle, and on freeing Lord Bautil, the party moved onward towards their goal of retrieving the magshield software. Using Don Harper’s remote control drone, they gathered up the undead creatures in the Northern room, then blasted them all with a fireportal from Ronnina, and another from Sheniqua.

Ronnina then set the bombs in sequence, with the first 3 blowing dirt, stone, and cement backwards into the room they were in, and the 4th exploding outwards into a room beyond.

Don Harper and the Gobbos wen through alone, whilst Ronnina and Sheniqua stayed behind.

The vanguard found themselves in a room that seems to have been well preserved, before an explosion tore into it. It had been some manner of living space, with 5 exits into ajoining rooms. From the north, the party heard a croaking sound approaching, probably attracted by the explosion.

Hoping to avoid whatever was coming, they moved through one of the Western doors, and found themselves in a kitchen. There they rifled through the fridge, and played with a few infomercial style unitaskers they found, including the Rollie Eggmaster.

Finding nothing, they moved back out into the living space, only to be confronted by a massive frog-like demon creature, standing almost 3 times the height of a man, with a dozen eyes on long prehensile stalks atop its body, and a mouth full of ugly, sweaty, teeth.

Don and the gobbos tumbled over one another back into the kitchen to avoid the creature, and shut the door behind them. Don began tearing the kitchen apart looking for something they might use to defeat the creature, and settled on sticking vinegar and baking soda into a tupperware, arranged in such a way that they wouldn’t mix until the seal of the tupperware was disturbed.

Just as they prepared themselves to throw their improvised fart bomb, the session ended in media res.

Thoughts and theories on tabletop games.