Session 70 – We’re Not Paying Extra for Testicles

Dramatis Personae
+Ronnie Whelan as Ronnina
+Adventures of the Mind as Don Harper of Mars
+Moreven Brushwood as The Four Gobbos


NPC Interactions
Albert the Great & Sheniqua were both there.

Bric Shelic was there, and got some serious business from the players.

Voxdaughter was also there, and the party made a sort of deal with her.

Highlights Recap
The party took some time getting reacquainted with their situation: They’re on the 3rd sublevel of a dungeon, which seems to be coming alive as an undead monstrosity grows through the walls. They’ve seen a lot of weird rooms with weird living-dead things in them, most notably, a vampire hooked up to a lot of biological pumps and such. They’ve contacted good ol Bric Shelic to come check out the vampire’s situation, and see what it would take to get him free. As the session began, Bric Shelic had just arrived, and was ready to do what he could to help the party.

They took him to look at the Vampire, and found him much as he had been previously: suspended and restrained by a mass of living protuberances. Bric took a look, confirmed that the character was a vampire, and pointed out that the primary purpose of the device seemed to be extracting semen from the vampire. He figured he could get the vampire out safely, but that it would be tricky, and once he was done, there’s no guarantee the vampire wouldn’t kill them.

Ultimately, they knew, the important thing was getting through the room where they’d locked all the weird undead creatures last session. But first, they wanted to tinker around in this area, and see what there was to see.

They found Francis and Turble’s trash room, now with two much smaller heaps, thanks to the party sending some people down to clean it out. There They also poked their head into a few former offices, and discovered a room covered in feet with a giant middle finger, and another room covered in butts. They also opened a close with a lot of stinky sphincters in it, and Don Harper thought it would be funny to lock Ronnina in there. Everyone laughed. Then Ronnina summoned a pack of spectral dogs, which pounced on Don Harper. It was a whole thing.

They peeked down a hallway they’d never explored before, but it had like…9 doors. They were all like “fuck that” and went back the way they’d came.

So, anyway, Don Harper got faded during the last session, right before the bit where they talked to the building, and he wanted to take a crack at talking with it. So, he opened the closet, and (like Ronnina the session before him), got dragged in by tentacles. Ronnina thought this was very funny.

Don Harper managed to get the building (who was very bored by the party’s antics) talking about the vampire. Basically, she needed him for his cum, because she couldn’t make babies on her own. Don Harper asked if there would be any problem with taking the vampire if they could make sure she still got all the cum she needed. She said she’d like more cum, but that vampire cum was worth 1,000 human cums, so she wasn’t very keen on giving him up.

So Don pitched her this idea: We can hook you up with the vampire’s semen, but we will take the vampire. And, in exchange, we’ll also get you a bunch of other dicks.

The building was mostly okay with this, and Don left the room to confer with his teammates. While pondering where the extra dicks would come from, Poog announced “Poog has dicks.”

And, indeed, Poog was still carrying around 45 out of the 50 dicks he had harvested from the vat people during the assault on Team Gopher’s fortress. Poog kept two (for future dick-chucks), and the rest were given to Bric Shelic to see if he could get them in “working order.” He toyed around with one of them, and ultimately said he could get all of them working and squirting within two days, at a cost of 300cc each. (12,900cc total). The party agreed to that, and Bric Shelic set to work.

The session ended in media res, with Don Harper preparing some kind of plan that I promised I would include in the end of this recap, but full disclosure I got way more drunk than I thought last night, and my memories of events are not as clear as normal.

Thoughts and theories on tabletop games.