Session 67 – We’ve Achieved a Lot With Orgies

Dramatis Personae
+Adventures of the Mind as Don Harper of Mars
+Frotz Self as Varouj of the Black
+Ronnie Whelan as Ronnina Beneath the Curtain
+Moreven Brushwood as The Four Gobbos


The Gobbos got a snake shaped kite, 12 rubber snakes, a pen with a snake that slides up and down in water when you tilt it, and 4 snake masks. They also got their snake in a jar back, after giving it to the snake woman.

Varouj got a dose of Maddness Moss, and 12 Cocaine & Heroin cookies. He also got Green mutagen (pure random) Purple and Yellow mutagen (mind affecting in some way) and White mutagen (unknown effect). All of these he got in injectors.

NPC Interactions
Albert the Great – loyalty unchanged
Sheniqua – loyalty unchanged
Robot Monster – Thought the flesh potato was pretty funny lookin’. Loyalty increased to 11.

The Hangman – Hooked the players up with Firing Squad. Gave them some deets.

Firing Squad – A thin, mousey sorta guy. Is happy to be working with the players, wants them to get some mag shield software for him.

The Goddess Akiovasha – The players have betrayed her by killing The Chosen One.

The Hulking Glider – An unintelligent beast. The players fed it, which it seemed to appreciate. They also placed a tracking device inside its body. (Monster #19)

Sally Mae – Varouj bought some drugs. Reconnected with her.

Highlights Recap
Deciding that the best course of action was to find a member of the Internet with a soul extractor, and barter with them for its use, the party asked The Hangman to get them in touch with someone. She went away for awhile, and eventually told the party they should get in touch with Firing Squad.

Firing Squad, she explained, was the least powerful member of the council, and had been responsible for a few notable failures in recent months, which made him nervous about maintaining his position. He would leap at the opportunity to use the 404 to revive his fortunes in exchange for using his soul extractor.

However, Firing Squad was also paranoid about operational security (possibly because he’d recently been betrayed by an underling, who now works for The Electric Chairman). Because of that, the party would need to travel to his base of operations in Outsider territory.

The players set out. While passing through the outer areas of Comet Caller territory, they saw strands of webbing hanging from buildings. At first, the players thought the spidermen might be coming after them–revenge for their genocide. They followed the webbing, and instead found what can only be described as a flesh potato. It was the size of an SUV, with nodules all over its body, from which webbing sprouted. It hung still between buildings, looking emaciated and starving.

The players began throwing food up to it. First the Gobbos threw some of their spare dicks, and GigaZucchinis. Then, Ronnina caused a spider ball to erupt just low enough that it wouldn’t harm anyone, but high enough that the creature could easily swoop down and gather up some spider’s in its mouth. The creature seemed happy enough with these, but continued eyeing the party, as if they looked tasty as well. It was decided the party should leave, though not before Don Harper rigged up a spare N-Gage to serve as a tracking device, embedded it in another GigaZucchini, and tossed it to the creature, so it could be found again later.

Further along, in their journey, the party was passing through No Man’s Land, and were approached by a procession. There was a long train of people wearing a costume together, similar to a Chinese dragon costume. Instead of a head, the people at the front of the procession were pushing a kind of cart. Atop the cart was a woman, standing with her arms raised to the heavens, and wearing a snake mask.

The procession stopped in front of the party, and she asked “Why haven’t you accepted Akiovasha into your hearts?” When she spoke, she elongated all of her S’s.

At first, the interaction was pleasant and cordial. The party identified themselves as Akiovashans, and Ronnina cast “Serpent Form” to demonstrate their devotion to the goddess. The Gobbos even offered the woman a snake in a jar. She was pleased with this offering, and gave the gobbos a Snake-shaped kite to play with.

Then everything suddenly went off rails. The party started to get pompous, saying this group of Akiovashans should come and assist the party in their mission. When the priestess refused, Ronnina said she wanted to eat one of them, and Don Harper attempted to claim that Akiovasha had spoken to him, and insisted it was time to sacrifice one of the preistess’ followers.

She scoffed at this claim, saying Akiovasha had not spoken to her of anything like that, but the party persisted. Eventually, Ronnina leaped forward in snake form, grappling the priestess, and her followers began to flee.

The party, being the efficient killers that they are, mowed down many of those who were fleeing, but some escaped. Meanwhile, the priestess called upon Akiovasha to dispell magic, and Ronnina was instantly transformed back into her human self–which dazed her for 1 minute, since she hadn’t been able to undergo the proper procedure for returning to normal. The party then turned their violence upon the priestess, who accepted it stoically. She called out to Akiovasha once more, asking for Serpent Sight, and the clouds formed into an angry snake’s head to grant her request.

When the priestess died, her eyes turned into snakes, and slithered off into the distance. The party attempted to cover up their wrongdoing by carving accusations of evil into the dead priestess’ arm, but this is unlikely to do them any good. The party have now personally offended at least two, if not three gods. Their continued survival is beginning to seem unlikely.

Further along, the party found a Mutation shop. Not wanting to waste too much more time, Vrouj just popped in to buy one vial each of the Purple, Green, White, and Yellow mutagens.

Only a short while later the party bumped into Sally Mae, the drug dealer, who recognized Varouj and wondered why he’d never gotten back in touch with him. He explained that he was only a novice alchemist at the time. She gave him some information about the mutagen he had bought. He asked her about drugs that were good for Black religious experiences, and she suggested Maddness Moss, a moss which (when placed under the nose) grows into a kind of mustache that releases spores up into the wearer’s nose.

Varouj bought a dose of Maddness Moss, as well as a dozen Cocaine Cookies in a Hydrox box. Varouj also threw in a 100cc tip, just to stay on Sally Mae’s good side.

Yet further along, the party discovered a slime trail. It was a single continuous trail, and not a series of slime steps, so the party deduced it was not their business slime friend from a few sessions back, and pressed on without further investigation.

Finally, they reached a little house in Outsider Territory where they met Firing Squad. He was a scrawny, mousey lookin’ fella, who seemed to be very nervous generally, but excited to be working with the famed 404. He confirmed that he did indeed have a Soul Extractor, and would be happy to loan it to them if the party could get him access to some MagShield deployment software.

As he explained it, the Magnetic Shield is something that would make launching the space ship much easier. They already had the equipment for it, and had a group of scientists working on writing operating code for it, but he–Firing Squad–had a good lead on a computer that might still contain pre-apocalypse magshield deployment software. It was deep in Redstone Lord territory, beneath the earth, in a place full of monsters. If the party could retrieve this software for him, it would represent a massive contribution to the spaceship project, and secure Firing Squad’s position on the council.

The party agreed, and the session ended In Media Res

Thoughts and theories on tabletop games.