Session 65 – Apparently They Used Their Sewers for Poop

Dramatis Personae
+Frotz Self as Varouj
+Ronnie Whelan as Ronnina
+Moreven Brushwood as The Four Gobbos


The Gobbos got a charm bracelet.

The Hangman offered a million cc to the party if they can activate the fuel pump. Preferably without tipping their hand as to exactly what they were doing.

NPC Relationships
Sheniqua (Loyalty remains 11)
Dividia Gaym (Loyalty remains 7)
Robot Monster (Loyalty remains 10)

The Hangman – Arranged a job for the party. Talked to them a bit about the Spaceship, and Needletooth Jack

Knights of Duke Manji – Looking for a new lord to serve. Do not like Dayvos, and are not interested in being mercenaries. Had a generally favorable exchange with the party despite that.

Mutant Terrorists – The party killed most of them, and the remainder fled.

The Businessslime – The party was friendly with him, but didn’t let him eat them.

Highlights Recap
The session opened on the party just as they finished building the tree fort, where the Gobbos are going to house their orphanage. The gobbos then decided that they needed to go on an adventure to collect some toys, and insisted the rest of the party furnish them with an adventure.

Ronnina and Varouj contacted The Hangman, and she asked them to come see her in her workshop, so they could discuss a job. The party loaded up their Aurochs, and set out. The journey was uneventful, and most of the group waited outside while Ronnina and Varouj went in to have some Juice Boxes, and talk shop.

The Hangman revealed that the Space Ship was more or less completed. All the components were there, there was just a little more work to do to get the ship running, and allow it to be flown safely. The job she had for the party would be one of the last few elements that needed to be put in place.

She explained that beneath the surface of the moon were a series of fuel tanks, routed up to the surface via pumps. One of these pumps had already been rerouted to where the Space Ship was kept. It was all ready for use, save for the safety lockout that prevented unauthorized pumping. The Internet had been working at it for weeks, but ultimately determined that they would need to access the pump control in order to get the thing working.

Initially, this seemed like a simple task. They’d located the controls in a small abandoned building in Comet Caller territory. A team was sent, but discovered that the building was not actually abandoned. The team initially assumed the squatters were probably novice wizards trying to establish themselves, and moved forward with the mission.

The Hangman showed the party footage, taken from the lookout’s electrobinoculars. It showed one of the first team sneaking in behind a door guard, and trying to knock him out with a blackjack, only for the weapon to knock off the guard’s fake, wax head, revealing a series of wispy, hair-like tendrils beneath. The guard then reached out, grabbed the operative’s shoulders, and crushed them like an empty can of fanta.

Other members of the team tried to fire weapons down at the guards, but were quickly killed by something that lashed out at them, then retracted back just as quickly. The footage cut out then, briefly swinging around wildly as the spotter ran for their life.

The Hangman deduced that the facility was probably run by someone more notable within the Comet Callers. Someone who needed a place where they could do the sort of things that couldn’t be done in their own seclusium. It would be dangerous, and doubly so because they might be on alert after the attempted intrusion by the first team.

The Hangman offered 1 Million CredCards for the job, and the party accepted. Though, Varouj made a point of saying that they might be interested in non-monetary compensation. He didn’t have anything specific in mind, but he wanted to put the option on the table, and the Hangman said she was open to the idea, and would consider it.

Varouj also took the time to mention Needletooth Jack. Specifically, he wondered what The Internet’s plan was. Were they just going to leave in their space ship, and leave the dome to Jack’s expansions?

The Hangman explained that the Internet had no immediate plans to abandon the dome. Such would be premature, since they really had nowhere else to go. The Space Ship would give them the chance at finding a new home, but there was no guarantee that any new homes were even out there.

None the less, she was not concerned about Needletooth Jack. His territorial expansions were slow–maybe a new building every 10 years–and never encroached into Comet Caller territory. Varouj quietly disagreed, but decided not to press the issue. The pair thanked The Hangman for their drinks, and set off immediately to begin their mission.

On their way South, the party ran into six Dukes in full robot Regalia, complete with squires and Aurochs. They looked like nothing so much as Knights, ready for battle. Varouj approached in a friendly manner, and inquired as to what had brought them into No Man’s Land.

The group explained that they had been the Men at Arms for Duke Menji, who was killed during the recent war with the Redstone Lords, and whose territories have been absorbed by that expanding empire. Varouj commiserated with them for a bit, and gently inquired as to whether the knights would be interested in doing some work with them for a bit.

The conversation had been pleasant so far, and so the Knights did not act ungraciously, but it was clear they found the idea somewhat absurd. They explained that they were not mercenaries, and that they would only fight for a worthy lord. Varouj accepted this with respect, and changed his tactic, letting them know he could put in a good word for them with Duke Dayvos.

At this, the knight’s faces hardened a bit. They thanked Varouj for his courtesy (through gritted teeth), but explained that they would not betray their dead lord by allying themselves to one of his foes. Varouj accepted this graciously as well, and the two groups parted ways.

A little further along, the party turned down an alleyway, and came upon a large group who immediately looked up at the party, as if they were afraid of being caught doing something they weren’t supposed to. The whole group was composed of heavily armed mutants. Given that the party was in Dukes of the Dome territory (notoriously prejudiced against mutants), it wasn’t too hard to guess what they were up to.

The party tried to parley with the group, who were obviously on edge, but it didn’t help that nobody in the party appeared to be a mutant. There were the gobbos, of course, but they’re just little goofy children. They were perceived to be the party’s pets, more than anything else. Similar for Robot Monster, who might have passed as a mutant (despite not being one), but he, also, was clearly a dumber creature in a subservient role.

When it became clear a friendly exchange wasn’t going to happen, the party tried to retreat, but the Mutant Terrorists were afraid their secret would get out, and attacked. Despite the mutant’s overwhelming numbers, the narrow 10′ alley didn’t give them much space to maneuver. A spray from Robot Monster’s vulcan cannon, combined with an exploding blood spray from Varouj’s weapon, were enough to reduce their strength by more than half.

Despite their disadvantaged position, though, the terrorists were remarkably resiliant. They succeeded on several difficult morale checks, and it was determined that they had probably come here expecting a suicide mission. Only once nearly all of them had been killed with zero gain, against people who were even Dukes, did they retreat.

One of their number, who had been grappled to the ground by a dogpile of gobbos, was left behind. The gobbos searched him thoroughly, discovering 12 cred cards, a pamphlet about mutant superiority, a charm bracelet, and a jar of salve apparently purchased from Don Harper’s Mutant Hospital. The gobbos took the pamphlet and the charm bracelet, and sent the man scurrying on his way, while Ronnina shouted warnings not to mess with the party again.

As the party reached the edge of Comet Caller territory, they found a palm reader. The gobbos, excited, ran up to have their palms read, and were disappointed when the mysterious old woman obviously just made a bunch of shit up about a happy future, then spit in their hands and called it a pool. Not only was this insulting to their intelligence, but it was gwoss!

The gobbos stormed off in a huff, with the party trailing behind.

Further along, the party spotted a humanoid slime, wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase. When it saw the party, it stuck out its hand, as if to shake, and began marching towards the party at a deliberate pace. It didn’t slow down, even as it penetrated further and further into the party’s personal bubble, without them sticking out their hands in return.

Varouj jumped forward to stop the creature from touching Ronnina, and instead offered his own hand. Particularly, the one that was completely invincible. The slime creature appeared confused. It looked down at Varouj’s hand, as if expecting something that wasn’t happening. After a moment, it tried to lean in for a kiss, but Varouj stepped back and, again, put up his hand.

Frustrated, the slime man held up its briefcase, and opened it toward Varouj, as if offering its contents. The briefcase was similarly full of green slime, with a bunch of cred cards floating in it. Varouj was amused and impressed by the Slime’s ingenuity and persistence, and tossed a few extra cred cards into the case before telling the slime man that they were in a hurry, and he should move along.

A moment after the two groups had parted, Varouj struck upon an idea, and ran back to the slime man. Varouj directed it towards the old palm reader woman, explaining that she loved to touch hands. The slime man smiled, and walked off in the direction Varouj had indicated.

A few blocks from their destination, the party came across a nice well maintained building, painted white. A woman in a gold sequin tuxedo was outside, shouting at passers by, and promising the best poops and pees of their lives. Curious, the party paid to use the facilities: 5 cred cards each, and discovered basically exactly what was promised on the tin. It was the cleanest, fanciest bathroom they’d ever been in. There were fountains, a band, personal attendants, and just about every amenity you can imagine. Along with a few you probably couldn’t.

All in all, it was the best poops of their collective lives.

Finally, the party reached their destination. There was a hill of cars piled up around the building, with a good 200 yards of empty space between the heap and the building proper. Behind the building was the edge of the dome itself. This section had a large crack in it. Not enough to get all the way through, but a enough to look concerning. The yokels knew it was bad, but they figured that so long as they didn’t live near it they’d be fine.

Varouj and Poog both tried to sneak forward. Varouj was spotted, and one of the nearby guards turned, and held up a hand to ward him off. Varouj dutifully backed off, while Poog snuck his way into the front door. He found himself in a bit of a multi-floor lobby, and moved into a nearby room which looked like it used to be a personal office.

Whatever it once was, the office was now home to a miniature swamp. Poog tried to climb through the room without falling into the fetid water, but failed. Once there, he felt a million tiny tendirls grabbing on to him, but none were strong enough to hold him, and so he escaped, swimming to the other side of the room where there was a barred window.

Squeezing his way out of a small hole in the window, Poog returned to his companions to report on what he had seen. The party then conferred on what to do next.

Varouj tried taking an invisibility potion, and testing whether or not the guards detected him–they did not. So, he moved over to the window, and use a crowbar to widen the hole Poog had climbed through, and begin prying out the bars mounted on the inside.

Just as the front door guards moved to investigate the sound of Varouj’s prying, the session ended In Media Res.

Thoughts and theories on tabletop games.