Session 61 – Wherein Jesus Christ Fails a Save Versus Poison

Dramatis Personae
+Adventures of the Mind as Don Harper of Mars
+Ronnie Whelan as Ronnina
+Frotz Self as Varouj
+Moreven Brushwood as the Four Gobbos

Loot
None

NPC Inrteractions
Albert the Great – Loved the music, but hated the 15cc water. No loyalty change.
Sheniqua – Did not enjoy the music at all. No loyalty change.
Robot Monster – Thought the music was rockin’. Loyalty improves to 10.

Jesus Christ – Captured by the party.

The Daughters of Earth – Open to performing a gig for the party.

Asperlode the Gazeteerian – Turns out to be a pretty chill wizard. Gave the party some good information.

xXxWizadSlayaxXx – Turns out to be a total twat.

Sarasand the Serpent Queen – A powerful person among the Comet Callers. WizadSlaya’s aunt.

Dulkk, Minor Comet Caller Wizard – Ronnina made a drinking buddy.

Edward Sallow – Offered the party a big job.

Highlights Recap
Leaving the mystery of Needletooth Jack behind for now, the party moved onwards towards the factory of Asperlode the Gazeteerian. While passing through Rules Beneath the Black territory, they noticed a strange light coming from a few streets over. Don Harper hopped down off his Auroch to place his RC Rover in the ground, and sent it over to investigate. The image that came back shocked him.

In the alley was a man, wearing only a few scraps of clothing, with a crown of thorns upon his head, with his hands and feet nailed to a wooden cross. The cross floated in the air, levitating gradually towards the party, though not yet in a position to see them. The party could have moved onward, but they were curious. Most everyone moved into a hiding position, save for Varouj, who stood out in the open, hoping to catch Jesus’ eye.

Varouj succeeded in this. Once Jesus had approached close enough, he turned to look Varouj right in the eye, and insisted that he confess his sins. Varouj found this tiresome, and refused to do so. Chuffy, though, thought it was important to let Jesus know he had eaten a bug, which Jesus forgave him for.

Chuffy also asked God who Jesus was, and God answered that that this Jesus was a genetic experiment, created by Christian extremists.

Don Harper, intent on adding Jesus to his collection of Christian captives, sneaked up behind the son of god with a tranquilizer pistol. He put it right up against Jesus side, and fired. He successfully hit, but it was almost a sure thing that Jesus would make his save. After all, his save was friggin 4.

Unfortunately, Jesus failed his save, and the party paid the mail service to ship him back to Trumpquatia in a box, and lock him up in a dungeon. It’s unclear how well any dungeon the party has will be able to hold Jesus Christ, but they are determined to try.

After some further travel, the arrived at the gates to Asperlode’s factory, a campus of several buildings surrounded by a large gate. They approached the gate, and spoke with a small group of people standing in a booth, who informed them that their appointment was scheduled for about 3 hours from then. The party asked if there was anything to do around here, and the door guards mentioned a music festival going on a few blocks away. The party decided the check it out.

The festival was nothing particularly special. The party watched a few bands play their improvised instruments. The whole thing had a NuFunk style that felt kinda shallowly inaccessible, but it was something to do. The headlining band, The Daughters of Earth, was really something special though. They all wore heavy black robes, played truly bizarre instruments, and at the end they fuckin beheaded one of their own band members, throwing the decapitated head out into the crowd as they went fuckin’ wild. Don was interested in booking the group for his Fun Zone at some point, and left Albert behind to talk to them about the possibility.

The returned to the factory, and met with Asperlode. He turned out to be a personable old man, with a big white beard and an orange jumpsuit. He asked what the party needed from him (and listed a few possibilities that made Varouj’s eyes light up). Once the party explained that they were here to replace his lost shipment, he rolled his eyes in frustration at the memory. He was glad the party was here, so he wouldn’t have to worry about it.

He explained that Powdered Glass and Human Internals are expensive, but common components, frequently traded between wizards. They’re expensive, but the party should be able to acquire them pretty much anywhere. The real trick is the Redrock.

As he explained it, Sarasand the Serpent Queen (one of the most important of the Comet Callers) owns the only mine which produces Redrock with high enough quality to be useful. The mine extends deep underground, outside the dome. It requires space suits to extract, as well as exposure to a dangerous river of unknown fluids, which seems to be the key of making the Redrock as useful as it is.

A few years back, Sarasand put her nephew, a twat who started calling himself “xXxWizadSlayaxXx,” in charge of the place. It keeps him busy, and so long as he keeps the redrock flowing out and the money flowing in, he has free reign on his dealings. It’s pretty much impossible for him to fail, since a lot of people need the redrock, and no one is foolish enough to try and pull one over on Sarasand.

So xXxWizadSlayaxXx is the only source for the stuff. Either him, or someone he’s sold it to, and they’re unlikely to sell it. If they do, it’ll be for quite a bit more than they bought it for. A sort of “I had to deal with WizadSlaya on your behalf” fee.

The party thanked Asperlode for his time, and told him they’d be in touch once they had replacements ready. They asked if there was any good places to eat nearby where they could discuss their options, and Asperlode directed them to Socko’s Spaghetti Pagoda.

Hoping to get more information, the party sent Ronnina off to find a wizard bar–some place where low level wizards slum with one another–to see if she could learn anything more about WizadSlaya, and what he’d been doing since his robot was stolen.

Ronnina met up with a Slumwizard named Dulkk, with whom she shared a few drinks. They talked about local gossip, about how Zulzax got eaten by a demon she summoned, and how all her good shit got auctioned off pretty cheap. They also chatted about friggin’ WizadSlaya, the rich boy sitting on his auntie’s mine. Apparently he built the robot out of junk he found in his aunt’s basement, and everybody knew it was a barely-functioning hodge-podge mess, but he thought he had proved himself to be some kind of great wizard by building it.

When it was stolen, he had apparently made a big show of how nobody was getting any redrock until his robot was returned. That lasted about three hours, until his aunt showed up, beat the shit out of him, and he announced that instead, redrock would be available for pickup until a new delivery mechanism could be devised.

Back at Socko’s the rest of the party had gotten a phone call from Mertyl, back at Trumpquatia: Proceo Edward Sallow of the Redstone Lords had sent his personal messenger, with a top secret job offer for the party. He was willing to pay 1 million credits if the party could give him a proper Causus Beli against the Dukes of the Dome. Something airtight, which would allow him to invade them without hearing even a peep from the Redstone Lord Senate about him overstepping his bounds.

He needs it to be good. And he needs it to be untraceable.

The party spent a long while debating how precisely to proceed. They could, theoretically, just kill some wizards, steal some Powdered Glass, and sell it off to buy all the Redrock they needed. They could also try breaking into WizadSlaya’s place and just taking what they want.

Ultimately, when put to a vote, the party decided to pursue Edward Sallow’s contract. Not only would it allow them to make enough money to pay for what they needed, but it would also result in a lot of dead Dukes, who are all terrible mutant haters after all.

The session ended In Media Res, with the party resolved as to their course of action.

Thoughts and theories on tabletop games.