Session 50 – Alright, We’re Officially Evil Now

Dramatis Personae
+Adventures of the Mind as Don Harper of Mars
+Frotz Self as Varouj
+Linlin Kins as Umquat
+Ronnie Whelan as Ronnina

The party discovered a bunch of heavy duty surveilance equipment, including a very fancy camera which can literally see through walls if placed against them, producing a 720p image of whats on the other side. Unfortunately, it’s about the size of a BBQ.

The party disconnected it and left it in the room they found it in, so they could retrieve it on the way out. THIS EQUIPMENT IS NOT CLAIMED YET

A gold Bar worth 2,000cc
That’s 500 cc/xp for everybody.


The party gained knowledge of the symbol Team Gopher uses to identify themselves to the Kobolds, and may pass safely through Kobold territory (at least, until the symbol is changed).

They also learned, via torture, that Team Gopher is creating “Metal Men,” whatever that means.

Lugud – Is slightly unsettled by the role he played in killing that Kobold (Loyalty remains 8)
Sheniqua – That fire portal kinda singed her hair a bit. It jostled her. (Loyalty remains 10)
Albert – Frustrated he can’t get his shield frisbee to work better. (Loyalty remains 11)
Robot Monster – Felt good to just…tear something in half. (Loyalty improves to 9)
Faylana – A little unsettled by all the torture. (Loyalty remains 8)
Norno – Glad to be engaging in some good honest battles, after a lot of quick raids and politics. (Loyalty improves to 10)

Injured Kobold – Hates the party. Hates them so much. Arm barely functions anymore because of their torture.

The party encountered Koblish. Don Harper and Ronnina both know it. Nobody else does.

Hirelings may not attempt to know languages, unless they have put points into the Language skill.

Albert’s “Captain America Shield” now bounces on modified twenties, rather than natural twenties.

The lasorator can be set to “Wide Beam,” which melts stuff that is easily meltable, like glass. This has a 1d8 exhaustion die.

Highlights Recap
Standing outside the building where they’d been told Team Gopher was hold up, the party debated their options. First, they posited that they might climb up to a higher level of the building, surprising their enemies, who they presumed might be positioned in the higher levels of the building. Don Harper and Umquat both attempted to climb the building, but both fell. Fortunately, Ronnina was quick with a Feather Fall spell. Unfortunately, both attempts failed. Umquat was still saved, but forced to spend 10 minutes weightless, prevented from being blown away on a breeze by a rope Varouj tied to her. Don Harper’s descent actually accelerated, causing him some significant pain.

After Umquat made a few more weightless attempts to climb, the party shifted gears. Instead, they would use Don Harper’s rover (built from a webcam and an RC car, acquired a few sessions back in Technotopia), Ronnina cast “Imbue Magic” on the car, giving it a +9 to attack, which was ruled to also give it the ability to push open doors, which it would not normally be able to do.

The party explored first the empty entry hall, then an empty adjacent room, and finally a third, small room, up against the wall to the entry hall. Within, they saw a great deal of equipment up against the shared wall with the entry hallway.

Using Ronnina’s Lasorator, the party melted their way through one of the windows to the second room the rover had inspected, then Don went to check out this surveillance equipment himself. He discovered that, indeed, had they entered normally, this would have alerted Team Gopher to their presence. There were a variety of devices here, but notably, one was a BBQ sized camera, capable of seeing through a wall if the lens was pressed against it. It produced an impressive 720p picture, and Don fell in love with it. He disconnected the whole lot of equipment, and moved it away from the wall, vowing to come back and get it before the party left.

Moving on, Don Harper sent the rover forward to investigate the next room, which was occupied by 6 creatures. Umanoid, 3′ tall, with beaks, teeth, with skin of colorful feathers and scales. The creatures jumped up in surprise, and pointed their spears at the thing.

Without hestitation, the party began their slaughter, killing most of the creatures in a single blow. Only a few managed to even get a turn, and they immediately retreated into another room, full of servers. Ronnie animated a couple of the Kobolds as Zombies, and the party trepidatiously followed. The first thing to catch their attention was a large gold bar, opposite the entrance. Sensing a trap, they moved with caution, but after 2 rounds, couldn’t find anyone.

Then, once about half the party was in the room, the creatures struck with bows and arrows. They’d been hiding on top of the server stacks! Ronnina was hit with 3 arrows, and retaliated by opening up a fire portal which immediately incinerated 4 of the creatures. Sheniqua followed with Magic Missiles, killing 3 more. Lugud used his Mancatcher to get hold of the last one, and the combat ended. Sheniqua then raised 3 of the dead Kobolds as Zombies.

Frustrated by the stern resistance, the party brought out another Kobold, which Robot Monster had stunned before the survivors ran into the server room. The two kobolds were presented with a simple choice: one of you is going to talk, the other is going to die. The party then separated them for individual interrogation.

One of the Kobolds revealed that there was a set of stairs leading down on the other side of Kobold territory, as well as a symbol which Team Gopher used to identify themselves to the Kobolds. The Kobolds hate and fear Team Gopher, and do anything they can to stay out of their way.

The other Kobold, being tortured by Umquat, revealed that Team Gopher was somehow creating a bunch of Metal Men.

Since both Kobolds had broke, the party decided to kill the one who hadn’t been tortured, so that the tortured one could better serve as a message to the other Kobolds. Varouj asked Robot Monster to tear the chosen Kobold in half, which he did. Don Harper then used iron spikes to nail the two halves to the wall, and wrote “Don’t fuck with the Internet” in blood.

The session ended In Media Res

Thoughts and theories on tabletop games.