Session 49 – Almost Setting Dildo-Friend on Fire

Dramatis Personae
+Adventures of the Mind as Don Harper of Mars
+Frotz Self as Varouj
+Ronnie Whelan as Ronnina
+Moreven Brushwood as The Four Gobbos
+Linlin Kins as Umquat

Loot
A Ring of Hand Invulnerability was purchased by Varouj for 16,000cc, making his hand completely invulnerable.

A set of 3 pieces of armor (a chainmail bikini with a tiara) was purchased by Ronnina for Sheniqua. It takes up only a single encumbrance, but provides a massive 18 armor rating. It cost 40,000cc, and she wears it over her normal clothes.

Ronnina purchased a black, wrought-iron staff with a unicorn’s head. It grants any caster who wields it perfect knowledge of Stone Lore.

Varouj purchased a Peacock quill for 300cc.

Umquat spent 3,000 credits procuring an electric drill which is entirely silent, no matter what you’re drilling through.

NPC Interactions
Albert the Great – Was reading a book and didn’t really pay much attention during this session. (Loyalty remains unchanged)
Sheniqua – Enjoyed kicking that ooze’s ass. (Loyalty improves to 10)
Lugud – Had a pretty good day. (Loyalty improves to 8)
Robot Monster – ENJOYED HIS COLONIC. (Loyalty improves to 8)
Norno – Really hates slimes, and is glad the party got rid of the one they encountered so quickly. (Loyalty improves to 9)
Faylana – Had a nice spa day with Umquat (Loyalty improves to 8)

Mertyl – Umquat took her on a nice spa day between sessions. Loyalty improves to 4.
The Giga Zucchini Vendor – Encountered the party twice. Sold them some GZs, they gave him a phone, it’s all good.
The Hangman – Communicated some information about the aliens to the party, then sent them on a mission.
Pigletta – The trainer of some performing pidgeons. Was crazy grateful for the 500cc tip the party gave her, and will totally visit Trumpquatia sometime.
Green Slime – Wants to eat the party, but the party is fierce. Will bide its time.
Drahpelia – Curator of Stratavanzo’s Oddments. Sold all of her stock to the party. She likes a big sales day.
Janie Q – A colonics expert. Agreed to move to Trumpquatia after Don Harper made a solid case for her business being better there.

Worldbuilding
There are 3 Non-English languages currently known to exist in the dome:
-Gluggish (A tongue spoken by some mutant for whom English sounds are difficult)(All players have been exposed, none of them speak it.)

-LoLite (Spoken by those in the Lords of Light territory)(Umquat has been exposed. She doesn’t speak it.)

-Morthuk – Spoken by only a few Morthuks, the race of which is considered to be extinct. (All players have been exposed. None of them speak it.)

Highlights Recap
Hoping to make some cash, and perhaps remind the Internet that they’re loyal operatives, Umquat texted the Hangman to see if anything was needed. The Hangman asked if the party could come for a private meeting.

It was a foggy morning as they traveled, and on the way they encountered the silhouette of what appeared to be a giant dildo with arms and legs. Fearing that it was a monster, the party made plans to incinerate it, and Ronnina threw a handful of glass vials filled with gasoline at the creature.

When it was struck, the creature verbally wondered aloud who would do such a thing as coat a person in gasoline? The party recognized the voice–it was the Giga-Zucchini vendor. He greeted them warmly, and the party kinda played off the fact that they were about to kill him a moment ago. (Save for Umquat, who let him know that he almost died).

Several party members made their purchases (removed from within the rubber suit). They also gave the Giga Zucchini man one of their N-Gage phones, so they’d be able to call for an emergency Zucchini delivery if need be. They said their goodbyes, and continued on towards the Hangman’s lair.

In their meeting, The Hangman spoke only briefly about the aliens, confirming that they are indeed Aliens, that they’ve been among us for some time, and that their intent is unclear, but seems hostile. She promised to keep the party updated, but that there was a more pressing issue.

Team Gopher, a group of five Double Black Diamond internet operatives, has gone rogue. They’ve stolen a vital piece of software for the Spaceship, and they intend to try and wrest control of the spaceship for themselves. They’ve been planning this for months, and are currently holed up inside a bolt hole they prepared in Dukes of the Dome territory. And of course, as Internet operatives themselves, they’ve gotta know someone is coming for them.

The party has been tasked with retrieving the software, and killing the traitors. The Hangman also noted that she’d take it as a personal favor if the party made sure to get a lot of pictures of Team Gopher’s mangled corpses. Something to remind everyone what it means to cross the Internet.

On a job well done, the Hangman promises to deliver 80,000cc to each member of the party.

Before leaving, Don Harper inquired as to the qualifications of Dapper Alligator. The Hangman said he was a Twig Level operative, primarily skilled in tracking. They also asked what level operative ASCII was. “Quintuple Platinum,” as it turns out.

As they left, Umquat gave ASCII a call to see if she wanted to help out, but ASCII said she was already on a job, and didn’t have time. The party returned to Trumpquatia to pick up some supplies, then set themselves a course towards Greenspace Beta, near where Team Gopher’s hidden citadel was.

On their way, they heard the distinctive wee-oo-wee-oo of the Fighting Mongoose peacekeepers: The Police Cops. They took a moment to investigate what was going on, but apparently it was just some PoliceCops shaking down a celery merchant for some delicious, low-cal kickbacks. The party ignored it and moved on.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2DNJSyobhiY

Just as they exited Fighting Mongoose territory, they again ran into the Giga Zucchini vendor, which excited the Gobbos, who had been asleep during the party’s previous encounter. The adults made polite chit-chat while the Gobbos got their nommies, then the party continued on, trying to ignore how awkward it is to bump into the same person twice in one day.

A few hours later, the party bumped into a little girl with a row a pidgeons on a bar. She was conduction the pidgeons into chortling out something akin to music. The party stopped to listen for awhile, and Umquat offered the girl a tip of 500cc for her performance. The girl thanked the party, and introduced herself as Pigletta. The party invited her to visit Trumpquatia sometime, and she said she absolutely would.

Later still, the party heard someone speaking Gluggish in a nearby alleyway. They determined first that none of them understood Gluggish, then that they’d been distracted enough along this journey, and pressed onwards.

Yet distractions abounded as they were suddenly accosted by a green slime which oozed its way out of the sewers. Fortunately, the party won initiative, and Ronnina unleashed a fire portal which immediately sent the creature retreating back into the sewers.

Just as they reached the Southern edge of Greenspace Beta, they saw a sign for Stratavanzo’s Oddments. Almost as soon as they decided to check it out, an old woman stepped out of the shop. She appeared spry, to the point of seeming like a young woman in a much older woman’s body. However, she was so wrinkled that flesh hung down from her arms like wings.

She greeted the party with a haughty friendliness, and immediately began showing her wares.

A Ring of Hand Invulnerability was purchased by Varouj for 16,000cc, making his hand completely invulnerable.

A set of 3 pieces of armor (a chainmail bikini with a tiara) was purchased by Ronnina for Sheniqua. It takes up only a single encumbrance, but provides a massive 18 armor rating. It cost 40,000cc, and she wears it over her normal clothes.

Ronnina purchased a black, wrought-iron staff with a unicorn’s head. It grants any caster who wields it perfect knowledge of Stone Lore.

Varouj purchased a Peacock quill for 300cc.

Umquat spent 3,000 credits procuring an electric drill which is entirely silent, no matter what you’re drilling through.

Once they’d settled all their purchases, the party set off across Greenspace Beta. They noticed that they were being followed by the Green Slime they’d frightened off earlier, but decided to ignore it for now.

Just before reaching their destination, they came upon a little lemonade stand where a girl named Janie Q was offering Colonics for 1,000cc. Varouj asked Robot Monster if he would be interested, which he said he was. (Robot Monster worried about Toxins!) RM seemed to enjoy the colonic, and Don Harper convinced Janie Q that she’d probably have better business luck if she set up shop in Trumpquatia. She agreed, and began packing up her stand.

Finally, the players arrived at the entrance to Team Gopher’s hidey hole.

The session ended In Media Res

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