Session 46 – These Things Cause Space Cancer!

Dramatis Personae
+Adventures of the Mind as Don Harper of Mars
+Linlin Kins as Umquat
+Frotz Self as Varouj
+Ronnie Whelan as Ronnina
+Moreven Brushwood as The Four Gobbos

The party purchased a number of objects:
A gas powered chainsaw
a video camera
a remote control toy car
100 nGage phones.
A Havahart Trap

NPC Interactions
Sheniqua – A little shaken by the extreme danger of the scorpion battle. Loyalty unchanged (9)
Albert the Great – His close brush with death, and the concern showed by his fellows, has given him a real sense of what is important in life. Loyalty improved to 10.
Norno – His close encounter with death has shaken him. He appreciates that the party took care of him, but death walks with us always. (Loyalty remains at 6)

Hans the Claveger – A muscular, bare chested young man. For 1000cc a month, Hans will guard Ronnina. This gives Ronnina a +1 to her AC. At any time, she may sacrifice Hans in exchange for avoiding a single attack. Hans does not count as a hireling, but may be attacked directly in combat.

Cult Quarterly Secretary – Had a brief interaction with the party.
Mr. Johnson – Fulfilled his end of his bargain with the party.
Willie Kypho – A reporter for Cult Quarterly. Young lady, got a lotta spunk. Will be infiltrating the cult of Akiovasha.

Technotopian Busker – Doesn’t know who ruined their livlihood, but is pretty angry about it.
Moxie MacGee – A 9 year old early bloomer Tech Vendor in Technotopia. Umquat bought a chainsaw from him, and was stupendously rude. Pushed him down, and basically challenged him to take a swing at her.
Random 4 y/o Technotopian – Umquat also pushed him down.

The Hangman – The party met with the Internet high council.
The Electric Chairman – The party met with the Internet high council.
Professor Gas Chamber – The party met with the Internet high council.
Doctor Guillotine – The party met with the Internet high council. Seemed unimpressed with the party’s effectiveness.
Firing Squad – The party met with the Internet high council.
Madam Crucifixion – The party met with the Internet high council.
The Stake – The party met with the Internet high council.

The Return of Poog!
Poog did ride! When worm get tired, poog jump off, and find a gang of child pickpockets. Poog teach children to ride, and children become band of mighty raiders. Poog start to ride home on dog, but dog fall into sewer. Poog go look for dog, but meet man who want string. Poog have floss, but string man no want floss. Poog tell man to wait, and poog go find string. String make man happy, man tell poog where dog is. Poog find dog, ride dog home. Poog is home now, and have new dog friend. Name Bork Bork.

Potential Future Mission Plans
The party would like to:
– Find slavers, and sacrifice them to the Akiovasha
– Hunt down the Giant Robot, and capture it.
– Establish some safe areas in the sewers.

Haven Turn
Two sessions ended In Media Res, so the party needs to rest for two Haven Turns.

Don Harper 1 – Continues academic study to improve his intelligence by 1. (Month 3 of 3) Congratulations! You’re smarter!
Don Harper 2 – ???

Umquat 1 – Continues to train the Torture skill up to Talented. (Month 2 of 2) Congratulations! You’re a better torturer!
Umquat 2 – ???

Varouj 1 – ???
Varouj 2 – ???

Ronnina 1 – ???
Ronnina 2 – ???

The Cult of Akiovasha
While the party are enjoying their Haven turn, they receive dreadful news: the headquarters that the Cult of Akiovasha set up in the Palace of Befoulments has been raided. Many cultists are dead, many more have been taken prisoner.

Highlights Recap
The party returned to the offices of Cult Quarterly the next day, and the secretary showed them straight in to Mr. Johnson’s Office. Johnson flopped down the article they’d written on The Cult of the Cosmic Mind Cube, and asked for the party to start answering questions about the Cult of Akiovasha. Don Harper offered to do him one better: they’d get one of his reporters into the cult. Johnson seemed surprised that actual cult members would do this, but their proof was fairly concrete. He called out for a young reporter, a woman with close cropped hair and a press hat named Willie Kypho. She was new enough to the game that nobody should recognize her for an undercover job. Don agreed to get her in, but warned she might need to participate in snake orgies to maintain her cover. Johnson scoffed, and said “We’ve all had to sacrifice a baby or two to get the scoop. She’ll be fine.” Don agreed to meet Willie at the Gazeebo, and arrange for her initiation. Before the party left, Johnson warned that if Willie thought Don was jerking her around, or if she just turned up dead, Johnson would hear about it. The CotCMC story would take 4 weeks to make it into print, and he could pull it at any time if the party didn’t hold up their end of the deal. The group promised there would be no funny business, and went on their way.

Eager to meet with The Hangman as soon as possible regarding the people who disappear into the sky, the party contacted the Live Mail Service, and paid to have Lugud’s body shipped back to Trumpquatia, while the rest of the party was shipped to the Internet Tower (costing 1400cc per person shipped). The tower–one of the four pillars, specifically the one located in Comet Caller territory, and last seen in session 18–was just as the party had last seen it. They sent a link to the DontDi4 app to Varouj, activated their apps, and entered. As before, they were required to walk back and forth across floor after floor, slowly ascending through the darkness as menacing shapes avoided them just out of sight.

Curious to test out one of their new apps, the party halted on floor 13 to take a look around with the InfaRed app. As they suspected, the darkness was full of creatures. Specifically there were three types: There were 35 skeletal abominations, combining the structure of a snake with the skull of a human. Umquat identified these as Necrophidians, a fairly simple construction of necromancy. There were also 4 sets of orbiting crystals, periodically sending little balls of heat between each other. THese Umquat was unable to name, but she recognized that they must not be part of our native plane of existence. Finally, there were 12 Squid Men, which Umquat recognized as Morthuks.

This last was particularly curious. The Morthuk was a fairly consistent mutation on Mars for many years, and their people even held a small territory at one time. But they kept themselves apart from the other cultures of the dome, and came to be resented by pretty much everyone. The Morthuk were thought to be completely wiped out for some 60 years now, so seeing them here was a curiosity. The party attempted to communicate, but none knew the Morthuk language, and they moved on.

When they reached the audience chamber on the 37th floor, the party were greeted by the seven members of the Internet High Council, and immediately asked to begin explaining everything they knew. Don took on the role of spokesperson, and explained the first incident with “Twitchy Man,” in which they recorded some information on a phone. Then went on to explain everything they’d seen in Outsider territory.

The meeting revealed a discord among the Internet which the party had not seen before. Council members outright accused other members of failing to live up to expectations, and implied that they may even be hoarding secrets. Apparently, the information the party brought them had struck a nerve.

After delivering their report, the party was dismissed. Once they’d almost descended the tower they received a group text from the Hangman, telling them to stay alert, and that she wanted to speak with them at their earliest convenience.

From here, the party found itself at liberty with some time to kill. After a brief discussion, they agreed to wander over to Technotopia to purchase some technology. Of course, it’s illegal for tech to leave Technotopia. All tech sold there is intended to be used for church offerings or religious worship. But the party was confident it wouldn’t be a problem.

On the way they encountered a busker with a concertina. Don Harper apparently has a grudge against this instrument, as he tranquilized the busker, took the concertina, stomped it to pieces, then set it on fire. That’s all there is to say about this interaction.

In Technotopia, Don Harper’s first priority was to acquire some old, non-smart phones. He was able to find a vendor selling a lot of 100 N-Gages. Unfortunately, Don’s attempt to convince the man they caused Space Cancer were insufficient, and Ronnina stepped in and paid full price just to get the deal closed so they party could move on.

Meanwhile, Umquat set out to buy a chainsaw. She found a gas powered one for sale from an Early Bloomer child named Moxie MacGee. After an unsuccessful attempt at haggling, Umquat paid the boy his 980cc, then pushed him to the ground. Because Umquat is a bully. The two started to bicker, and each swore they’d eventually beat the crap out of the other. Umquat went so far as to give her name, and her home location, inviting Moxie to come at her any day of the week.

The party also purchased a video camera, a toy racecar, and a Havahart trap, though these purchases were made without any needless lies or bullying. Although Umquat did push down a random 4 year old at one point, for literally no reason.

The party bought a cart and some animals, and set off on their way home. They were predictably accosted by 6 of the Morality Police, insisting that the party allow their bags to be inspected for smuggled technology. The party refused, and basically invited the Police to come and have a go. The MPs were successfully intimidated, but promised that they’d be better prepared if the party ever dared show their face in Technotopia again. The party made a threatening gesture, and the MPs fled.

The first encounter check on the way home led to the party bumping into the same MPs, exhausted after a long run. They immediately began running again when they saw the party.

Further along their journey, in No Man’s Land, the party encountered a block war. Two buildings hurling projectiles at one another. Varouj silenced each building by spraying them with rounds from the Spandau in turn. Ronnina entered each building one at a time, introducing herself first to the people of Oak Parks and their leader Einreb (who wore old D&D books as armor), and then to the people of Nottingham Gardens, and their leader Nurb Feeler, who wore aluminum cans as armor. Both women accused the other community of being thieves, liars, and cheats. When Ronnina suggested that maybe someone was trying to drive a wedge between them for some nefarious purpose, both was able to produce concrete examples of witnessing duplicity from their rivals. Ronnina threw up her hands and told the two to continue fighting.

Umquat offered to let the people of Oak Park come live in Trumpquatia, but Einreb flatly refused. They had come to No Man’s Land to live by their own law, and would not be dissuaded. Umquat accepted their decision, but told Einreb that she should come talk to her in Trumpquatia sometime. Einreb seemed to take this offer seriously.

The party continued on their way. Halfway through Dukes of the Dome territory, they encountered a horrible abomination of a creature. A giant scorpion, with 8 snakes instead of legs. A nonsense beast which should never have existed, and only does because of mutation and magic. The party considered fleeing, but due to how much their cart would slow them down, they determined instead that they should fight.

The battle was not terribly long, but it was brutal. Norno succumbed to a sleeping poison, and Albert the Great very nearly died of a from a deadly poison sting. Fortunately, Umquat & Varouj were both excellent shots, and managed to take out most of the creature’s legs, reducing its ability to attack, before killing it.

Finally, on the way home, the party met Hans the Claveger, whom Ronnina hired as a Bodyguard.

Thus ended April, 2517.

Thoughts and theories on tabletop games.