Session 32 – Beef Ring

Dramatis Personae

+Linlin Kins as Umquat
+Adventures of the Mind as Don Harper of Mars
+Ronnie Whelan as Ronnina

Curly Locks
Albert the Great


25 Hoodoo Doughnuts were purchased. ~6 or so were consumed/given away/sold.


The party accepted a job to kill Howelers, with 500 credits paid per Howler killed.

The party accepted a contract from The Hangman to secure a building within Howler territory–an old manufacturing plant–which she believes would be a benefit to The Internet. Securing the location would secure the party 10,000 credits.

NPC Interactions

Sheniqua – shared in the party’s adventures. (Bond 8)

Albert the Great – shared in the party’s adventures. (Bond unchanged)

Curly Locks – shared in the party’s adventures. (Bond 9)

Didelus’ Herald – Was treated somewhat rudely by the party. (First meeting)

Blind General Didelus – Fulfilled her promise to the party. Was treated haughtily by the party. (Bond 2)

The Hangman – Was consulted by the party regarding whether certain actions would affect Internet interests. Provided the party with a contract.

Bric Shelic – The party had a brief meeting with Bric Shelic, wherein they made a business deal. (Bond 3) (I was shocked to learn this was only the third time Bric Shelic has appeared in the game).

Hoodoo Pastries Clerk – Was treated quite rudely by the party, despite being very friendly. (First meeting)

The Twitching Stranger – Was abducted by the party. (first meeting)

Davie the Latrine Boy – Was given a gift by the party, complimented, and treated very kindly. (First meeting)

Hoodoo Doughnuts

Beef Ring: a ring of fried dough, glazed with aspic, and sprinkled with bits of steak gristle.

Maple Deuce: A bar of fried dough, glazed all around with maple, and shoved into a sheep’s intestine.

Devilcock: A twist of two strands. One a giant twizzler, the other a sausage.

Highlights Recap

In the lead up to this session the party were alerted to a gun auction. The Internet had found and repaired an advanced weapon called a Lasorator, which Ronnina purchased for 6,000 credits, along with two spare charge packs for 50 credits each.

After a period of rest and relaxation following their most recent missions, Umquat’s wall was approached by a herald with a megaphone who called out for the Breakfast Club. Umquat was annoyed at his proximity to her wall, and demanded he step back, which he did, but continued to insist on being heard by TBC. Umquat was annoyed.

The party came out to listen to the herald, who said he was an emissary of Blind General Didelus, The young man stumbled over overly-florid language he was attempting to use to seem more official. He told the party that the Blind General requested and required their presence at a meeting, a pompous phrasing which further annoyed Umquat, who nearly caused a scene over it. Ronnina slipped a few credits into the heralds hand, thanked him for his message, and sent the boy on his way. The party then set out to meet with Didelus.

Without waiting for an invitation, they barged into the capitol building, through the corridors, and directly into Didelus’ office, making a few snide remarks at anyone who looked annoyed by their brash behavior. As it happeened, the party interrupted a meeting Didelus was having, but Didelus wisely dismissed the person she was seeing to give her full attention to the party. She had chairs set out, and greeted them with courtesy.

The party had been moderately concerned that Didelus was going to be upset about some part of their recent activity (though they were not concerned about their ability to put her in her place if that happened). They were surprised, then, when she offered them a job. The one with the most profit potential of any job to cross her desk in months. This in accordance with her promise made after the party rescured her to send a plump job their way.

Essentially, an unknown John wanted somebody to kill as many Howlers as possible. 500 credits per Howler killed, with proof positive that the John was good up to 1.5 million credits (enough to kill nearly the whole population of Howlers). Didelus made clear that the job was not an open contract, and that whoever took it would be expected to kill a great number of the Howlers. The goal is to noticably reduce their numbers, As to proof, none is apparently needed. Didelus, as confused as anyone, simply repeated the John’s admonition that they would know how many were killed without any need for proof.

And while Didelus could not speak as to the identity of the John, she did have some speculation she shared with the party. Either it was the Dukes of the Dom along the Howler’s south boarder, who were reportedly massing an army not far from Howler territory. Or, equally likely, it was a preemptive act of Ceo Bobby Lus. The Ceo’s term would soon be up, and he would be transferring to a proceoship. It was a matter of public record that Bobby Lus had been granted the Eastern boarder for his Ceoship, while the other Ceo, Edward Sallow, had been stuck with the Western. Both would be responsible for maintaining their respective boarders, and it would be a great military and political victory if Bobby Lus could finally reintegrate the territory of the Howlers, now 17 years lost from Redstone Lord control.

During this conversation, Umquat mistakenly mentioned The Internet, and suddenly went quiet. This suspicious behavior was noted by Didelus, but beyond being an obvious secret, she could divine no meaning in the phrase.

During the meeting, Ronnina and Umquat both texted The Hangman under the table. They received assurances that getting rid of the Howlers would not disrupt Internet activities, and indeed, would even assist in them somewhat. The Howlers were not a direct threat to The Internet, but it’s always  easier to operate when dealing with more stable, corruptible, and predictable states.

Further, The Hangman noted that there is a facility–an old manufacturing plant, long abandoned–which The Internet would very much like to have reliable access to. If the party could establish a corridor through which such access could be ensured, that would be work worth 10,000 credits.

The party then excused themselves from their meeting to set about their preparations. They covered their cart in vegetables to disguise its purpose and perhaps be mistaken for traders when entering Howler territory. They shrouded the Spandau behind a wall of cabbage, and also purchased a Building Smasher bomb for 2000 credits, 2 room-size pipe bombs for 600 credits, a drum of crude oil for 400 credits, and a pesticide sprayer for 20 credits. With all things in readiness, they set out towards The Howlers, taking a long route through Dukes of the Dome territory so they could get a peek at this massing force.

Just as they were wandering out of Fighting Mongoose territory, the party came upon one Bric Shelic, hawking his body parts as he is wont to do. Don Harper, sensing an opportunity, quickly took Shelic aside and proposed a deal, in which Shelic would make the Mutant Hospital part of his usual route. Not only would he find customers there–mutants who did not have the benefit of standard appendages–but he would also find vendors there in the form of mutants with an excess of standard appendages. Shelic could find no fault with the idea, and heartily agreed to the arrangement.

Further along in their journey, the party passed a HooDoo pastries, where they were greeted by a cheerful young clerk. Cheerful, even, to the point of excess. Needless to say, Umquat was annoyed.

Everyone purchased a few, and Umquat even went so far as to purchase a full two dozen of the delicacies. After a few veiled–and not so veiled–threats at the poor young woman working the counter, Umquat left. The rest of the party followed her with somewhat apologetic backwards glances.

As the party approached the army they were hoping to spy upon, they passed through a narrow, deserted alleyway. Therein they found a man in obvious distress who appeared to be trying to hide. He twitched uncontrollably, but otherwise appeared to be a perfectly standard human. He refused every bit of help the party offered, and repeatedly asked for them to leave, assuring them he was fine.

The man was obviously lying, and the party pointed this out. He confirmed that he had been lying, but never seemed to tell the truth. He just agreed with whatever the party said, then repeated his assurances that everything was fine, and again asked the party to leave him be. Unwilling to do this, the party bound him up, tossed him in the cart, and resolved to take him to the mutant hospital to see what could be done with him. The man seemed unhappy by this, but his body would not cooperate long enough for him to escape.

Finally the party reached the field where the armies of the Dukes of the Dome were encamped, and began to mingle with the camp followers. They looked around for someone who might be convinced to spill some beans without too much effort, and bumped into Davie the Latrine Boy. Davie was happy to chat while consuming the delicious Hoodoo Doughnut the party proffered to him.

Davie was a young entrepenuer whose business model was based upon soldiers who had been punished by being ordered to clean the latrines. It was well known that instead of doing that, these soldiers could just seek out Davie, pay him a penny (a small chunk of a credit), and he’d clean the latrines for them. The Dukes of the Dome do not maintain a particularly disciplined army.

Davie was further able to indicate the location of the army commander’s tents, where he had once cleaned some auspicious chamber pots.

The party took their leave of Davie, left their cart off to the side under guard of the Hirelings, and went boldly into the camp proper to begin selling their Hoodoo doughnuts at an inflated price. They eventually came upon an officer, to whom they offered a significant discount. They chatted with him a bit, determining that the buildup of forces here “as part of training maneuvers” was clearly a lie. The party hoped to get more out of him by offering a second doughnut free of charge–this one laced with Space LSD. Unfortunately his trip hit him hard, and he perceived Ronnina (who was asking him these questions) as a fearsome beast. He began flailing and frothing, and Ronnina was lucky to fade into the crowd without being noticed. The officer (severely disgraced in the drug-hating society of the Dukes), was hauled off to be imprisoned.

The party moved on, lest they stumble into further mischief. They reached the boarder of Howler territory, and the session ended In Media Res

Thoughts and theories on tabletop games.