Session 30 – Don’t Spend it All in One Place

Dramatis Personae

+Frotz Self as Varouj
+Adventures of the Mind as Don Harper of Mars
+Linlin Kins as Umquat
+Ronnie Whelan as Ronnina
+Moreven Brushwood as The Four Gobbos

Albert the Great
Curly Locks

50,000 credits from The Hangman
7 gold coins, worth 350 credits.

That’s 50,350 total, or 12,588 Credits and Experience Points Each

Don Harper retrieved a small box with a single button on it, and a tesla coil extending from one end. It appears to be some sort of weapon, or a remote control, or perhaps even a communication device.

Umquat purchased a skull with seven horns–each about a foot long. The skull otherwise has similar aspect to a man, but is different in a number of minute ways which become apparent only on close inspection of the object.

Varouj purchased a dagger whose hilt is the form of a coiled snake, ending in a wide open snake’s mouth. From the mouth, two blades emerge at slightly disparate angles. On a successful attack roll, the dagger deals 1d4 damage to the target it struck, but will also deal another 1d4 damage to another target of the wielder’s choosing within line of sight.

Mogmurch got a ceramic cookie jar shaped like a pig in a chef’s hat.
Rita got a plastic toy sword.
Poog got the Encyclopedia Britannica book for the letter “O”
Chuffy got a trash bag filled with Don Harper’s crumpled up teenaged poetry.

NPC Interactions
Sheniqua: Bond improves to 7

Albert: Bond improves to 8.

Curly Locks: Bond improves to 8

Shopkeep for Advico’s Curios. The party did not get her name, but they had an amicable interaction with this plump little woman.

The Giga Zucchini Vendor: The party purchased 31 Giga Zucchinis from him. He’s a very happy guy.

Mongrol the Magician: The party has not met him, but they have slain his foreman and freed his slaves. He may or may not be aware of this, as there were no known wittnesses, but certainly he is upset about the disruption to his works.

Melissa the Philaquamort – A refined magician with a noble haughtiness. The party encountered her briefly, and showed her what she deemed to be proper deference.

Haven Turn
NOTE: Due to a face-to-face session of ORWA which most of the group was unable to attend, everyone in the party except for Ronnina will experience two subsequent Haven Turns, as they pursue other things during Ronnina’s solo adventure.

Ronnina uses his first Haven Turn to research the spell “Spectral Dog,” and uses his second Haven Turn to engage in the adventure which will be written about in Session Report 31.

Ronnina spends 2,250 credits to pay for Sheniqua to reach Level 2.

Varouj spends his first Haven Turn continuing to train Alchemy up to Talented. (Month 2 of 2) Varouj successfully improves his Alchemy Skill!

Varouj spends his second Haven Turn beginning to train Alchemy up to Skilled. (Month 1 of 4) (NOTE: this costs 5,000 credits).

Umquat spends her first haven turn doing ??? and her second Haven Turn doing ???

Don Harper spends his first Haven turn doing??? and his second Haven Turn doing ???

One of the many oddities about magic users is that they have a sort of private currency they use among themselves: small metal disks. Disks have a greater or lesser value depending on the metal they are made from.

Highlights Recap
Intent on capturing a Handsy Gator, the party spent some time and expense outfitting their wagon to hold the creature. They mounted their Spandau on top of the now roofed conveyance, and acquired from the Hangman a large shock collar, and a number of corresponding fence posts to form the “fence” which would bound the creature’s movements.

These latter objects were sent, by discreet means, to The B-Team, who distributed them to the members of the Cult of Akiovasha. It became part of their devotions to place these objects around the rough perimeter of RBTB territory.

Preparations complete, the party set out for Comet Caller territory, where they first encountered the Handsy Gator. On the way, while passing through the lands of the Dukes of the Dome, the party encountered a building emblazoned with a very fancy sign reading “Advico’s Curios.” Within they encountered a short, plump, youthful looking woman who immediately began showing them her many mysterious odds and ends. There was a large variety, including a mysterious chest marked with an ancient language that had never been opened, and cost 8,000 credits.

In the end, Varouj purchased a serpent dagger, Umquat purchased one of the many strange skulls of wondrous beasts. Before they left they asked if the woman knew anything about Farus, the other conveyor of curios they had met. The woman indicated that Farus was a reckless and unsavory dealer, whose merchandise was often unreliable and even morally dubious when compared to those sold by the noble Advico. The party noted this information, thanked, her, and took their leave.

Further down the road, they heard shouting from several blocks off. They intended to pass it by, but Don Harper decided to use stealth to approach closer, upon which he heard the unmistakable cry of the Giga Zucchini vendor. He was standing on a stage on top of a cart, being pulled by a pair of space lamas who were being led by a young boy. The party approached, and he greeted his good customers jovially.

Umquat, Ronnina, and Don each bought 10 Giga Zucchini, while Varouj bought only one. The Giga Zucchini Vendor congratulated Varouj on his confidence, thanked the party of their business, and continued on his way.

It was shortly after this that the party located another alleyway full of shed hands, similar to the one found several months ago. They noted that the way they were laying seemed to indicate a particular direction, and Umquat used her Bushcraft skills to quickly pick up on the trail.

As they followed the beast’s trail, they encountered a group of about a dozen men and women wearing loin cloths at their waists, and wearing fishbowls on their heads, chain-ganged together with lightning. Each held a pickaxe, and was working at creating a hole in the road. The party’s approach momentarily distracted a few of the workers, who were harshly disciplined by the whip-wielding Ape-Man who served as foreman of the gang.

Ronnina cast “Starfire” on herself, and conversed amiably with the Ape Man. She learned that all present–including the ape man himself–were in bondage to Mongrel the Magician, and that his authority derived only from his willingness to accept his lot, as opposed to these degenerates who worked with sullen slowness if not excited to action by the whip. When asked where Mongrel the Magician could be found, the Ape Man indicated Elling street, where a great tower shaped like a bolt of lightning could be found. Ronnina further payed homage to the ape man for his excellent skill in keeping his workers in line.

(Here Umquat contacted The Hangman via text, and learned that Mongrel the Magician was considered “a bitch-ass scrub. The Hangman was very high at the time.)

This last bit improved the Ape Man’s reaction, and Ronnina promptly used the buff this gave her to assail the Ape Man and help free the slaves. Don Harper leaped on him and began to choke him with his whip, offering only a single chance to escape from Mongrel’s control with the party. When the ape man refused, Don resigned to choking the life from him. The ape man tried to raise a strange boxy device with a button on it for defense, but Ronnina stepped in and cut deep into his arm. The end of the ape man’s life was a Trivial thing.

With the ape man dead at his feet, Don Harper shouts a brief speech about the benefits of Akiovasha to the assembled slaves. They are immediately taken by the message, and begin chanting the name of this new and merciful god with great gusto. They party is not yet able to free them from their imprisonment, but they take these men and women along with them until they can come up with a way to free them. They also bring the body of the Ape Man, as a plan for capturing the Handsy Gator begins to form.

Umquat resumes tracking the path of the party’s quarry, and they soon come upon a lair dug into the earth. They position the cart in such a way that the opening is close by to the entrance to this lair, and they place the body of the ape man within it. Most of the party steps aside, save for Don Harper and Albert the Great, who prepare to raise the ramp that will prevent the Handsy Gator from escaping once it has been lured into the cart.

Using the spell “Animate Blood,” Ronnina extracted a blood ooze from the ape man which she sent down into the lair. This successfully attracted the Handsy Gator’s attention as the scent caught in its nose, and Ronnina lured the creature into the wagon, where Don Harper and Albert were able to trap it. The creature struggled mightily within its prison, but was unable to escape. Eventually it settled down, and the party went on their way towards the territory of the Rulers Beneath the Black, where they would release it.

Just as they were leaving Comet Caller territory, they entered a narrow alleyway at the same time that someone else enter the same alley from the opposite end, coming from the other direction. She wore a ball gown and rode upon a great salmon with four human arms. She carried a parasol, and dark curling locks cascaded around her shoulders. Behind her, 36 bloated corpses of the drowned carried her affects. This is Melissaq the Philaquamort, and the party instantly recognized that they had best get out of her way. They re-harnessed their Space Lamas, and pushed the cart back out of the alleyway.

In appreciation for their deference, Melissa paused and spoke to Don Harper, allowing him to take 7 scales from her fish, which he did, whereafter she wordlessly departed. The scales shortly dissolved into 7 golden coins.

Further along in their journey, the party encountered a site where a group of corpses stood in lines turning cranks of bone, which in turn turned a great gear of bone, which rotated a belt of woven intestines, which was connected to a mechanism on the side of a great starscraper. The party chose to pass this by, and could not determine whether the mechanism was simply mechanical, electrical, or magical in purpose.

Shortly thereafter, Umquat snuck into the cart with the Handsy Gator. The creature was sated by its meal of the Ape Man, and now lay in gentle repose. This allowed Umquat to place the shock collar around the creatures neck.

Just as the party was about to enter the territory of the Rulers Beneath the Black, they encountered a group of 15 priests. They called out a demand to convert to the cause of Akiovasha, to which the priests responded by casting “Heat Metal” upon the cart. This could have been a problem if not for the efficacy of the party’s Spandau-spraying, Goblin-Bomb-Throwing tactics, which quickly reduced the 15 to a mere 6, and sent them fleeing for their paltry lives, 4 more of which were picked off by a lackadaisical Magic Missile from Ronnina.

With this, at last, the party released the Handsy Gator into RBTB territory, bolstering the credibility of their snake cult and enhancing the chaos of the region. The course of the war was altered dramatically, and the Internet facility went undiscovered. The Hangman gladly handed over the 50,000 credits her subordinates had earned.

So ended October, 2516 C.E.

Thoughts and theories on tabletop games.