Session 29 – Madam, You Squeeze Too Boldly

Guess who totally forgot that he hadn’t written this yet?

Dramatis Personae
+Linlin Kins as Umquat
+Frotz Self as Varouj
+Adventures of the Mind as Don Harper of Mars
+Moreven Brushwood as Rita, Chuffy, Mogmurch, and Poog
+Ronnie Whelan as Ronnina

Albert the Great
Curly Locks

Ronnina purchased the Brown Chalk and a scroll of “Cone of Cold” from Farus’ Curios.

Don Harper purchased a magical bronze pan which perfectly marinades and seasons any meat cooked in it.

Magic Words
Ronnina destroyed the scroll of Cone of Cold in order to gain the words “Cone” and “Cold”

The Outsiders have no taste for slavery. They find it distasteful to have such bent and broken creatures in their midst. A slave is as bad as a rat. Those who have them are not considered immoral, so much as they are considered distastefully icky.

NPC Interactions
Sheniqua enjoyed some quality time with Ronnina as the two explored the curio shop together, and shared a private conversation at The Upswung Kilt. (Bond upgrade fails. Bond remains 6)

Albert played some darts with Don Harper. The two bonded. (Bond 7)

Leoness, Troisn, & Bort: the 3 outsiders encountered during the previous session. They enjoyed their time spent with the party at the Upswung Kilt, but were somewhat dismayed (when sitting in on the party’s conversation with Highlander Morduk) that the party had an ulterior motive in reporting their news to The Outsiders. Their Bond increases, but they will be wary of being overly trusting of the party in the future. (Bond 3)

Highlander Morduk: The party engaged in an extended parley with the aged, naked leader of The Outsiders. He saw the value of their news, but also saw through the minor deceptions which surrounded it. He appreciated Umquat’s truthfulness, but none the less finds the party to be a dubious source at best. None the less, the evidence that he will soon be under attack is undeniable, and he will respond to this intelligence with all due force.

The Curio Dealer: a servant of the mysterious Farus. He is cheerful and savvy, and sells a wide variety of delightful oddments on his master’s behalf.

Farus: The party have not met this person, but it has been revealed that it is an alias belonging to a member of The Internet’s high council.

Highlights Recap
Once their business with Otto was complete, most of the party moved on to the tavern called The Upswung Kilt, where they had agreed to meet the 3 Outsiders they’d met earlier in the day. Don Harper sets about a game of darts with Albert, the four Gobbos demand juice, which Umquat pays for.

Meanwhile, however, Ronnina, Sheniqua, and Varouj went out looking for some interesting shop in Outsider territory, and they came upon a junk heap with a neon sign assembled from disparate sources which read “Farus’ Curios” Upon entering, the trio were met by a man who appeared to be about 30, was very tall, with a prematurely wrinkled face and a down-soft white beard. He introduced himself as the shop’s proprietor, and offered to show the group any of Farus’ fine oddments.

The group was shown several things, including some brown chalk and a magic scroll which Ronnina purchased. Notably, they were also shown a tiny woman held in a birdcage. Apparently the product of coupling between a human and a beetle. Ronnina greatly desired to free the tiny creature, but could not afford the high cost, and did not feel capable of releasing her by force.

Purchases in hand, and with a plan to return, the three went to meet up with the others at The Upswung Kilt.

They arrived around the same time as the three Outsiders, who introduced themselves as Trosin, Bort, and Leoness. Everyone enjoyed a great evening of drinking, dart throwing (Albert won), and friendly conversation. Only once an atmosphere of conviviality was well established did the party begin to press on their friends with warnings of an upcoming offensive by the Terrapontif, and asking how difficult it would be to meet with someone more highly placed in the government that they could present their case to.

By random roll, it is determined that the three outsiders are actually quite well connected. They can arrange a meeting directly with the leader of The Outsiders, a man named Highlander Morduk. The party are ecstatic to hear this, and the whole evening is given over to drunken revelry.

Revelry which got well enough out of hand that–at one point–Umquat aggressively barged up to a young sorcerer who looked like her beloved, dead Klaus. With unthinkable presumption she reached beneath the sorcerer’s cloak and squeezed his masculine accoutrements with more vigor than could be enjoyable to any but a masochist. She was cursed with a Polymorph spell, which she only half saved against. When she awoke the next morning, in addition to a hangover, she had an upturned snout and a curly little tail. Alterations she seems mostly to be okay with.

Hoping to make amends with the Goblins for her accidental attack on Rita during the battle against the Mi-Go, Sheniqua concocted a hangover cure to share with the Gobbos, which they begrudgingly appreciated. But they still don’t like her much.

Ronnina and Don Harper, meanwhile, decided to take another look at Farus’ Curios. Ronnina provided Don with funds, and hid nearby, while Don approached as a new customer, looking to case the joint for a little-lady-breakout. He looked at a fine suit of chain mail bikini, and purchased a magical bronze pan which prepares meat with exquisite perfection. After leaving, the party had a lengthy discussion about how best to break the tiny woman out of the place, when someone had the idea to ask The Hangman about Farus. This proved to be an excellent plan, because The Hangman identified “Farus” as one of the identities of a member of The Internet high council. The party, prudently, dropped the issue.

Without any time to spare, the party headed to the local Pillar for their meeting. The clerk was impressively condescending, which made Umquat hate her. The elevators were lifted by teams pulling ropes, whom Umquat tipped generously.

The elevator opened on level 50, and the party were shown into a room where an elderly–but still brawny–Outsider sat naked on a large seat. This was Highlander Morduk, and he listened to what the party had to say.

The meeting between the two was long and grueling. The party presented evidence, gained from The Hangman, that the Rulers Beneath the Black were plotting an attack. They offered their services to The Outsiders in organizing a counteroffensive. The Highlander, smelling something fishy about the ease with which this information was coming to him, surmised that the group had an ulterior motive. A back in forth repeated itself where the party would admit to some level of secrecy, the Highlander would accuse them of still holding back part of the truth, and the process would repeat. Finally, Umquat spilled nearly all of the beans: identifying a building they wanted to protect (without explaining why), and admitting that they hoped a preemptive strike from The Outsiders would prevent that building from becoming the site of any violence.

This, The Highlander accepted. He made no promises, but implied that he saw no reason to involve this building in his attack plans. The meeting was adjourned, and the party went on their way.

Based on their success distracting the RBTB with the cult of Akiovasha, combined now with rousing The Outsiders to preemptive war, the party have a 5-in-6 chance of completing their mission. However, they would like to attempt a full 6-in-6, and thus the session ended In Media Res

Thoughts and theories on tabletop games.