Session 16 – Poop is Not Treasure

Dramatis Personae
+Jess Newman as Don Harper of Mars, the Specialist
+Dion Williams as Zonagus, the Specialist

Albert as Albert

2 encumbrance of harvested silk worth 1104 credits.
1 encumbering item worth of fine ribbon worth 283 credits
8 gems, worth an amalgamated total of 824 credits.
The Diamond Eye of the Statue, worth 4,953 credits.
500 loose credits worth 500 credits.

That comes to a total of 7,664 credits, or 3832 Credits / XP Each

Please note that you can’t gain more than one level from a single session. You may level up once, and then gain enough xp to put yourself 1xp short of gaining a second level.

Other Loot:
2 Candlemass posters. 1 Bolt Thrower poster, 1 Iron Maiden poster, and a poster for a show called “Pig Destroyer.”
2 more robes made out of patchwerk metal T-shirts.
A crusty top hat.
8 meals worth of rations
6 syringes of temporary mutagen. Lasts 1d6 hours.
1 Tincture of Resanguination, heals 1d8 + 2.
2 Potions of Erudition. Your character suddenly realizes the answer to one question.
3 potions of Resolute Swiftness, any single action requires only half the normal time to accomplish.
1 Salve of Butts, causes a butt to grow where the salve was rubbed.
1 Suppository of John. Creates an illusion that makes the imbiber appear to be a totally average dude.
4 Uses of Mouthspray of Deception. Causes a single lie to be believed by anyone who can smell the breath the lie is spoken on.

New Magic Words:
Animate, Corpse, Imbue, Hate, Blood, Pain, Fist

Provisionally, Magic Words cannot be sold. It’s already basically one of the best treasures in the game, and to double it up by making it salable (at, no doubt, a significant price) would make me crazy stingy about giving them out. I’m making this decision entirely for flow-of-the-game reasons, and currently have no in-game rationale for why it is true.

NPC Relationships

Alfred – Continued to be a loyal companion in this session. Had no significant successes or failures, and experienced no particularly negative or positive events.

Lung-Eye – Spent time with the party, watching their back and staying out of the way. Doesn’t seem very enthused to be here, but also seems to timid to refuse to accompany someone who asks him.

The Million Million Flies – Briefly enjoyed the party’s company. Is not particularly interested in spending more time with the party, who are very alien to its way of thinking. Parted on good terms.

The Hardstare – The party gave it the idea to seek fulfillment through exploration. It did the logical thing and tried to kill them, but they didn’t die. This is annoying to The Hardstare.

Highlights Recap

While the rest of the party rested from the exertion of slaying Zessler Vox, the two new party members figured they’d do some poking around to see what treasures they could find.

After unsuccessfully rifling through the body storage room, they returned to Zessler Vox’s lab and looted his table of potions and tinctures, finding nothing else of value save a number of experiments. The pair then proceeded down the hallway that the party had previously explored only shallowly during the last session. Opening the next door in sequence, they met what appeared to be a buzzing silhouette, and turned out to be a man-shaped thing made of a swarm of flies. They introduced themselves, and the creature did not seem immediately hostile, though it did have significant difficulty processing the language and concepts of the party, so it took a minute or more to respond to inquiries. It agreed to come with the party and help them scout during this session, in thanks for releasing it. Unfortunately, the swarm of flies had a difficult time understanding the human concept of “treasure.”

The party continued down the hall, passing rooms without any windows, and eventually reaching a much larger room. There was a large bowl-shaped nest of paper and wires, a wall smeared with purple slimes and sludges, and along one wall were 3 very nice hats the size of a kiddie pool. The party determined that this must be the lair of the giant rolling head monster.

While the flies enjoyed all of the purple sludge “treasure,” the party set about dismantling the three hats, acquiring some very fine materials, and a number of gems. They heard the head rolling around several times, but it never actually returned to its lair while they worked.

Moving back the way they came, the party asked the flies if they could investigate some of the rooms that had no windows. They could, and reported that one room contained something “for mating,” something “with eyes like us,” and something “Attractive. We like very much.” The party agreed that none of these options sounded appealing, but opted to check out the room that contained something “with eyes like us.” After a few lockpicking attempts, the door opened to reveal a young woman with diamonds for eyes.

She was immediately hostile with the group, asking them what they did. Confused, the group answered that they were explorers, currently engaged in rescuing people. The woman asked which was better, and the party answered that exploring was their preference. She asked why. They said it was good to see things that no one else had seen. She then decided she would be an explorer. Furthermore, she announced that she would kill the party so they wouldn’t see the things she would see.

It took only a few rounds of combat for the party to realize they were outmatched due to a mysterious penalty of -4 to all of their rolls. They fled, and were able to escape by hiding in Zessler Vox’ bedchambers. Once they were sure the Hardstare was gone, they searched the room. They took Vox’s spare robes, and his metal posters. Behind one of the posters they discovered a safe, which held 500 credits of cash, and a much more significant prize: Vox’ book of magic words.

From here the party moved south. They’d had enough of the experiment rooms, and decided to check out a trio of much larger rooms they had seen on the party’s blueprints of the building. Again, these had no windows, but the flies were able to scout two of them for the party. They described the first as having “Many, many of your eyes,” and the second as “Has a shape like you, but cold and hard.”

The party opted to scout the second room, which they discovered to be nearly spotless. Well painted, a carpet kept meticulously clean, and almost completely bare. Clearly some care was taken here. Opposite the door was a ring of 5 human bodies. The bodies were naked, and their arms and legs had been broken in numerous places to allow them to be “braided” with the limbs of the corpses adjacent to them in the circuit. The bodies appeared relatively fresh.

In the center of the ring was a statue made of earth stone. The only earth stone any of the party had ever seen in their lives. It would have been a great expense to transport the statue here in the ancient times. The statue depicted a woman with arms outstretched. Both of her hands were missing. One of her eyes was only a socket, while the other was represented by a massive diamond.

The party experimented with the statue in several ways: placing gems in the opposite eye socket, placing eyes in the eye socket, placing two and then one severed hands on the stumps of the statues arms. Nothing produced any effect. During these proddings, though, the party discovered that the empty eye socket and one of the hands were both missing by design. The statue was crafted to lack these features. The other hand, however, had merely broken off at some point.

Seeing no point in experimenting further, Don Harper of Mars removed the diamond eye from the statue.

The pair of neophyte adventurers then returned to the surface to sell their wares, before rejoining the resting party.

Thoughts and theories on tabletop games.