Session 14 – A Collection of Baby Arms

Dramatis Personae

+Linlin Kins as  Umquat
+Spencer Kelty  as Virgil
+Ronnie Whelan  as Ronnina
Muta-Bro the Hireling
Klaus the Slave
Henry Leichester the Horser

8 Credits from the seat cushions of the Lay-Z-Boy
The deed to 64th Avenue and Watling St. A 4 story building zoned for C.842 Delta.

Using the books of summoning acquired last session, Ronnina asked two questions about summoning.“What was in that room?” Bal’Urel the demon was being held prisoner by Gregor the Jailer. He is a demon of moderate power. Not quite a demon lord, but neither does he serve any demon greater than himself. He is notable for taking particular joy in bringing misery to his victims through their religion.

“What are the markings on the walls of the room Bal’Urel was in?” The markings are part of a spell which causes a surface to become impassable by incorporeal beings. By placing these markings on every surface of the room, Gregor the Jailer was able to imprison Bal’Urel.

NPC Relationships

Princess Turgid Wang (Walter): Formerly the sex slave of Gregor the Jailer. Had his original name stolen by a spell, and replaced with something sexy. He’s a bit of a foppish sort. Lean and cowardly. He’s not gay, he just did what he had to do get by. Thankful to have been rescued.

Bal’Urel: T̥͚̩H̥͔E̙̟͡ ͏̬͕͓̺E̱̳̦̩̥ÝE҉̞S̨̠̟͍̝͔ ̛I̶N̬̦̙͓͍͙͜ ̱̫̙́TH̶͕̞̰̮E͉͈͙͖ ̠̲̗͝DÀͅRK ̪̜̜̤̮H̛͚̰̘̦͕A̴̹͇V͏͈È̲͖̥̫̦͓ ̖͓̩͚̺O͍̱̟̙P̡͎̟͇̹̳̘E͔̳N̶͎̣̯E̜̪ͅD̨͓̫̞.̤͕͔͈ ̞͚͘A̟͉̖͔̮̼̠V̪̮̰ͅO̢͍I̫̠̱̜D̝̩̖̫̼͉̖ ͎̰͔͡THE̱̩͇͍I̭̘͜ͅͅR͚̮͔ ̧͎̮̲͓̻G͙̮̘̞̠̱͝ͅA͍̙̜̬̺͔̖Z̻̳̰̀E͓͉̮.

Theras: An 8’ long serpent with a tiny man’s body instead of a head. A reasonable and level-headed individual. Is grateful to the party for releasing him, but a little unsettled by the way they treated some of the other prisoners they released – murdering Tsaros and humiliating Yandle.

High Priestess Tsaros: She was upset when she saw the party, given that she lost her position and became a refugee due to their actions. But now she is dead.

Henry Leichester: A Horser of the Redstone lords.

Yandle Walksbeneath: A low level Priest Beneath the Black. An unpleasant and zealous individual, who is thoroughly unlikable. Not secure in his masculinity in the slightest, and prone to ridiculous exaggerations. The party has repeatedly abused and humiliated him. Currently he is naked, forced to travel with the party.


After looting Gregor’s home, the party still had not found the use for any of the eight keys they’d found on his person. Presuming that “The Jailer” probably had some jail cells nearby, the party walked back out into The Black again, and it did not take them long to find what they were looking for just to the North: a long row of locked doors. One by one they opened the cells.

The first was empty, save for some dirty bowls and scraps of paper. Despite searching, the party found nothing.

The second was more attractively furnished, with large throw pillows and curtains. When the door opened, a attractive, naked young man rushed to arrange himself on a Roman style couch, draping sheer silks over his body seductively. When he learned that Gregor was dead, he thanked the party and begged them to get him out of this place. He introduced himself first as Princess Turgid Wang, but after confirming that Gregor was dead, he reintroduced himself as Walter. Apparently Gregor had magically changed his name such that he had not been able to say his real name without suffering severe headaches.

It was while searching this room–particularly cutting open some pillows–that Umquat found a deed of all things. It’s uncertain why it was hidden there, and whether it was Gregor who put it there, or if he even knew about it. Walter certainly didn’t know.

The third room the party opened was dark inside, save for four wide, white eyes that stood out in the darkness. When the door was opened a whispy shadow blew past the players, causing them to shiver. Consultation with the summoning books Ronnina had taken from Gregor’s home indicated that the party had just released a demon named Bal’Urel.

The fourth room the players opened was also empty, but furnished well. There was a bed, a table, and a Lay-Z-Boy chair. Umquat searched under the cushions of the chair and found eight credits!

In the fifth room, the players met the Serpent Man, Theras. Theras assued the players of his good will towards them, despite them being somewhat offput by his disturbing coutenence: an 8’ long serpent, with a tiny man’s body instead of a head. Theras provided them with what information he could regarding those held in the adjacent cells, and they agreed to drop him off with The Fallen Lords, along with Walter.

In the sixth room, the players encountered an unpleasant old man named Yandle who immediately began bellowing complaints and religious allusions to The Black. He refused to thank the party, insisting that no one should be thanked for doing what should be expected of them. One of the group made some insulting remark with reference to Yandle’s dick, which was apparently something of a sore subject. Yandle didn’t stop raving about how great and huge his dick was until the party dragged him to the first room and locked him in.

In the seventh room, the party encountered a plump woman wearing tattered robes, and a single computer fan. She appeared grateful for only a moment before she recognized the party. “YOU!” she shouted, angrily. Without waiting for her to enumerate their crimes, Virgil reached into the room with his mutated long arm and stabbed High Priestess Tsaros of the Techno-Faith. She died quickly. The party offered no explanation to their companions.

In the eighth and final room, the party met a broad shouldered man with a confident bearing. He introduced himself as Henry Leichester. A K’nect of the Redstone Lords. Umquat took an immediate liking to what she called his “heroic demeanor,” and the two kept up a lighthearted banter throughout the adventure. Henry agreed to accompany the party and offer any assistance he could in thanks for his freedom. Umquat armed him with one of her spare katanas.

Having explored all of the cells, the party returned to The Fallen Lords. Rethinking their cruelty, they retrieved Yandle from his cell, stripped him naked, mocked his 3” penis (a length that the referee randomly determined), and forced him to march with them. He’d have to earn his freedom. They left Walter and Theras with The Fallen Lords, and descended to sublevel 3 to face Zessler Vox.

In the lower level the party encountered a small livestock area where The Fallen Lords herd large, fat insects, who eat a foul luminescent fungus that grows here. Umquat incorrectly identified the insects as “pigs,” then tried to eat some of the fungus herself, then promptly failed her poison save and vomited it back up. The Fallen Lord who was standing nearby pointed out that this is why they let the bugs eat the fungus, and they just ate the bugs.

As the party passed from the territory of The Fallen Lords, they were wished good luck.

Shortly after entering the territory of Zessler Vox, the party encountered a large room that was once a great library. The shelves here had been converted to store dead bodies, mostly human, but there were several other creatures as well. Feeling brazen, the party made no effort to hide their presence, and marched confidently to the first door they saw.

When they opened it, they were met with the sight of a Slime Serpent. The creature leaped forward to attack, but they managed to get the door shut in time and began moving north. Almost immediately they were accosted by a Kangaroo with the head of a woman, and a beard of baby arms. The party engaged in a blessedly brief conflict with this monster, slaying it before it had a chance to really do any damage, and slicing the baby arms from its face. But even as they did so, they noticed the Slime Serpent was making its way through the crack beneath the door they’d just closed behind them.

They struck it with a sword, but this had no effect. Ronnina tried to use her blowtorch on it, but this similarly had no effect. Not until they poured water on the creature did it seem to react negatively, sizzling and smoking, but even this did not deem to dissuade it from pushing itself through the crack. Thinking quickly, the party used the nearby dead bodies to seal up the crack beneath the door, apparently halting the Slime Serpent’s progress for now.

Finally reaching the second door, the party pushed it open to reveal a nicely appointed living chamber, complete with a bed, desk, books, couches, and other amenities. In the center of this room was a giant head, its expression frozen in a look of horror. Its long fat tongue was extended out of its mouth, slapping the ground and dragging it along towards the party. Behind the head, standing next to another door at the rear of the room, was a man in red robes who shouted “ZESSLERRRRRRRRR VOXXX!”

The session ended In Media Res

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