Session 12 – Beep Boop, Umquat is a Hero

Alternate title: The Session David Would Have Hated

Dramatis Personae
Spencer Kelty as Virgil the Fool
Lindsey Vegh as Umquat the Specialist
Ronnie Whelan as Ronnina the Magic User


  • By outwitting the vendor, Ronnina was able to buy 3 katanas of good quality (worth 400 credits each) as well as an overly-ornate showpiece katana (worth perhaps 40 credits) for a grand total of 420 credits. Ronnina kept one of the good ones and the showpiece, and gave the other two good katanas to Umquat and Virgil respectively.
  • A grandmaleather belt for Umquat, and a well-moisturized belt of clay-colored skin for Virgil.

Worldbuilding / Game Rulings

  • Virgil lives in a hovel. Ronnina lives in a hammock under a tarp.
  • Umquat has her parents tied to a stump somewhere
  • Using a Redstone Lord gene sequencing machine requires 45,000 credits. per person.
  • The Magistrates of the redstone lords are followed by a number of Raketors (men and women holding gardening rakes), which indicate their rank and their power over life and death.

NPC Relationships

  • Virgil continued his liaison with The Hangman. When Umquat and Ronnina were discovered spying on The Hangman, they discovered that she enjoys it when people watch. Virgil, meanwhile, discovered to his discomfort that The Hangman greatly enjoys choking her lovers.
  • The party had a pleasant (if entirely duplicitous) encounter with the three members of the Cult of the Cosmic Mind Cube. The cultists have hunched, bulbous bodies, with 12 tiny arms–a result of their unmentionable initiation rites. The party convinced these clerics of ill repute to perform some scouting on the party’s behalf.
  • Ronnina gave the Cult of the Cosmic Mind Cube Bric Shelic’s business card. If they ever need parts.
  • While the party had no direct interaction, they did encounter Chairman Ottowald railing against the incorrect governance of one Edward Sallow, currently one of the two Ceos of the Redstone Lords.
  • The party met Cassandra, a soldier in the army of the Redstone Lords. They didn’t do terribly much to impress her, given their conduct. That said, she and Umquat participated in a brief flex-off that amused them both.
  • The party also met Captain Aester, a hard woman in her middle age with a smokey voice. She appeared to be in charge of local security affairs.
  • Umquat encountered the slave Klaus, a 12 year old boy with a hook shaped scar from his lip across his chin, patchy hair, and a large boil on his neck. He has ostensibly killed many people. Umquat purchased him for 100 credits, gave him a sword, and told him it was time to be a hero with her. She rolled a reaction roll of 12, so Klaus is pretty on-board with that shit.

Highlights Recap

June 2516 C.E.

Virgil’s phone chimed with an incoming text. Ronnina poked her head in to find out what the message was. When she looked over Virgil’s shoulder she saw a short message from The hangman:

8====D Now.

Virgil went off to please his lady. Ronnina, curious what was going on, not-so-subtly followed Virgil. Umquat, reveling in the creepiness of being a cyborg returned from the grave, followed Ronnina with a light under her face so she could look creepy.

The Hangman did her business with Virgil, noting the presence of the other two and assuring them that she liked it when people watched. Once Virgil’s task was complete, The Hangman presented the party with a mission:

There is a building in Northern Redstone Lords territory which was meant to seal itself in the event of a dome breach. This is good, because it has life support which The Internet can use to get the Spaceship working. It’s bad because there are no sewer entrances to the complex. In order to reach the 4th sublevel of the complex, the party will need to move through the building’s interior. Furthermore, the passage between the 3rd sublevel and the 4th sublevel has been damaged, and thus the party will need to use shaped charges in a specific location to move from one floor to the next.

Ronnina asked for a month of time to research a spell that would make the life support unit lightweight and easy to transport. The Hangman insisted that there was no time for such a significant delay on this mission, but offered the use of a hoversled to transport the life support unit. (The hoversled rests 2’ above the ground. It can comfortably navigate stairs, but can’t rise higher than its 2’). She also agreed to locate an engine block crane, which she said would require 3 days of time, and will come with a 200 credit deposit.

With some time on their hands, the party decides to scout the territory they will be adventuring in. This is the first time they have visited Redstone Lords territory, and are struck by the sights. They note that it seems somewhat more civilized, with more regimented and professional soldiers. The populace seems somewhat more concentrated towards defensible areas, while only vagabonds and rogues live in the area outside of that.

The party makes their way towards the tower they will be delving into, but only a few hours into their journey they encounter a smear of blood along the way, leading into an alley. Following the blood, the party comes to a chainlink fence, and the trail disappears behind a corner. Ronnina, listening carefully with her mighty ears, hears a low humming. Exasperated, Virgil the Alistair discovers a secret door.

Beyond the secret door the party discovers a trio of cultists surrounding the mutilated remains of an 8 year old boy, whose skin has been expertly stretched to fill a square frame, and whose organs and bones have been piled neatly in the center.

The cultists are at first upset at having their ritual interrupted, but they are flattered by the party’s interest in their activities. They reveal themselves to be not normal men, but to have bulbous, hunched torsos with 12 stubby arms curled against their torsos. They identify themselves as the Cult of the Cosmic Mind Cube.They briefly discuss the finer points of their metaphysical practice with the party, and become excited when Virgil implies that the party has been sent by a larger organization to evaluate the cult. The cult’s leader posits that perhaps the party is from the Cult Quarterly periodical, and if the adherents to the Cosmic Mind Cube philosophy may now be under consideration for a story. The party encouraged, but did not confirm this belief.

Through some trickery, Virgil convinced the cultists that they were only one of a number of parties that were being considered for some unnamed honor, and that a test of their metaphysical cleverness had been devised. A building had been prepared with 12 entrances hidden most secretly, and the cultists able to find the majority of these entrances would be regarded as the strongest candidate. The cult agreed to this, and agreed to meet the party at an established location in 2 days time to report their findings.

Now freed of their scouting obligations, the party left to wander the streets with less direction, hoping merely to gain insight into the area and its people. As they wandered, a beam of light struck down from the surface of the dome, and began to whip randomly around, dealing intense damage wherever it swung. Without hesitation, Umquat climbed to the roof of the tallest nearby building (50 stories). This brought her just close enough to the surface of the dome to fire an arrow at the point from which the ray of light sprung. Against all odds, she struck the space, and the beam suddenly snapped into a static direction, burning a hole into one large building in particular.

Unsure of what more to do, the party (thinking this may be an attack) ran to the nearby government center (known as the Meeting Square) to bring the news, and offer assistance. There they saw a man named Ottowald ranting against one of the current Ceos of the Lords, Edward Sallow. Ottwald was upset by the blatantly Employeeist policies of Sallow, and that his pandering was weakening the stout fabric of the Lords.

Finding a nearby guard, Cassandra, the party relayed their story. Cassandra took them to the office of her commanding officer, and the party was asked to repeat their story again. The commander, one Captain Aester, was none too impressed with what the PCs had done. She had Cassandra detain the group, and explained that these harmful rays were common occurences. The result of micrometeor impacts on the outter surface of the dome, creating a focusing prism for the sun’s rays. The dome’s auto-repair function still works well enough to repair the damage automatically, though it takes some hours now. Aester worried that whatever the PCs had done may prolong or prevent the process. As it happened, the dice decreed that the PCs actually did more good than they did harm, and the process completed a full one hour earlier than normal. As the PCs could be held responsible for no particular mischief, they were released, with a warning to let the locals handle their own problems.

The party then wandered still further through Redstone Lords territory, and came upon a small tertiary marketplace.

The party window shopped, and as they started to spot things they wanted, they realized that only Ronnina had any funds whatsoever. Ronnina generously agreed to purchase most of the items they wanted. From the manleather merchant, Umquat got a belt made out of the merchant’s own grandmother. Virgil got a belt of clay colored skin from a man who must have moisturized very well. Umquat also got a Fibra-Shake, which she pumped directly into her stomach.

Ronnina found a sword merchant, but the merchant didn’t seem to understand her own swords. She had a bunch of katanas, most of which were cheap display pieces you might find in a mall. She had priced the fanciest looking ones the highest, despite their relative lack of quality compared to the more solidly constructed ones at the lower end of the price scale. Ronnina spent some hours sorting through her inventory, finding the best examples of craftsmanship, and purchased those for the party, along with one of the fancy looking ones.

Meanwhile, Umquat browed the slave market. She encountered a young slave named Klaus, roughly her own age. He was ugly, with a hooked scar, patchy hair, and a large boil on his neck. The fleshpeddler assured Umquat that he had already killed many people, but was none the less a loyal slave. Umquat got Ronnina to make the purchase on her behalf, and she released Klaus from his manacles and handed him her old sword. She then took him aside for a heart-to-heart, telling him that she was a hero. She had killed and saved many people. More than 4. It was now time for him to be a hero.

Two days later, the party met with the Cult of the Cosmic Mind Cube. The cult proudly announced that they had discovered 3 of the 12 entrances, which they insisted must be among the best results. The party assured them that it was, and once the map indicating these secret entrances was in hand, the party took their leave, assuring the cult that they would be contacted shortly for followup.

The session ended In Media Res

Thoughts and theories on tabletop games.