Session 1 – In Which My Ex Kills My Penis Monster.

Dramatis Persona:

  • Lindsey Vegh As Umquat
  • Spencer Kelty As Virgil
  • Ronnie Whelan As (Not Yet Named)
  • Alexander Thomas As (Not Yet Named)
  • David Carli-Arnold As Galens Brook


  • 100 credits to be shard among the party, as a gift from rescuing Urluggle Glurg
  • 900 credits for Virgil specifically, payment negotiated in exchange for all the bones in his arm.

NPC Relationships:

  • Clint Blurkenmin: One of your contacts within the Fighting Mongoose tribe. He doesn’t have any legs, so he lives by making connections between people who need work done, and people who know hot to get work done. He’s taking a risk on you guys, a bunch of first timers. If you don’t let him down, he’ll be more willing to give you better paying work.
  • Urluggle Glug An extremely slick blob creature with a surprising lack of mucus or bile. Eight waving appendages ending in metal blades, and a baby’s face surrounded by a curly blonde mane. Speaks in a high-low screaming voice. Low intelligence. The party helped her out of a manhole.
  • Group of Techno Priests They wear computer parts. They’re condescending, and they use words incorrectly. The party made no lasting impression on them.
  • 5 Dukes of the Dome Peasants Mara, Sheila, Deved, Yule, and Surash. The party initially freaked them the fuck out by knocking down their door, but managed to smooth things over pretty well. Succeeded in getting +1 bond.

Highlights Recap:

January 2516 C.E.

The party gets a job to go find a computer chip in Dukes of the Dome territory.

On the way they encounter a creature trapped in a manhole. The party rescues the creature, which vomits up 100 creds as thanks, then rolls away.

The party enters the sewer and heads towards their target underground. They encounter a group of condescending techno priests. The two groups pass each other without much fuss.

The party enters the building where their target is located. They encounter a lot of smeared feces, a closet full of skin-suits, and a screaming human-creature with its face in its belly. They kill this creature. (“Robert,” apparently.)

The party encounters a wall of flesh, decides to turn North. Literally the entire party’s efforts are required to bust down a door, which terrifies the poor peasant family living within. Galens Brook smooths things over by offering gifts to everyone, and Umquat eats their food. They tell the party that the fleshwall used to be their neighbors, before a dickhole of a Wizard transformed them. (But that even transformed into a flesh wall, they’re good company) They also tell the party how to descend to the next level down, but warn of “The Head.”

The party descends, and hears a loud thumping and shouting to the East. They head west.

They encounter The Bonemeister. The Bonemeister exchanges loot for bones from living bodies. Spencer gives up the bones in his arm for a robot arm + 900credits. The robot arm doesn’t work yet. Ronnie gives up one of his ribs for information on The Head.

Turns out The Head is blind, and tracks only by sound. It is also largely invulnerable, but might possibly be defeated if explosives can be put into its mouth.

The party continues to a new room, where they are attacked by a dickbeast. Galens Brook is grievously wounded, but the beast is defeated. (With no help from Ronnie or Spencer I might add!)

The party decides to rest. They will regain 1/2 of their missing hitpoints before the start of next session. The session ended in media res.

Thoughts and theories on tabletop games.