Dungeon Moon Mark III – Session 1: A Net Loss of Treasure

Dramatis Personae

Ronnie Whelan as Veritavia the Bangtail
Adam as Fluffy the Bear in Disguise
Adam as Mr. Brown the Bear in Disguise
Andrew as Mift Liver, the Gift GiverLoot
30 silver coins from the beard of Zack
6 silver coins from the purse of Velkis
-10% (4sp) returning to Spidopolis Tax
Total: 32 silver pieces, or 11 sp / xp each

The party is in debt to the cult of the Ur-Slug for 105 silver pieces.

Zack’s Zweihander
The Sanguine Robes of Velkis
6 Velkisbone Arrows, (1d4 dmg + save v. device or be subject to one command)

Haven Turn
Mr. Brown spent the month hunting, and brought in 150sp worth of meat. (No xp)

Veritavia plied her trade, and made a successful check, bringing in 300sp (No xp) as per the Goodtime skill.

Mift Liver spent his haven turn teaching his dog to growl and bark in response to a hand gesture.

NPCs

Tzu’Bleh – The PCs performed the duties expected of them, and so did not rise to the notice of Tzu’Bleh.

Davadid – The PCs discovered this Flabbyman with his leg trapped in a narrow hole. They helped him out, and he was grateful.

The Adherents of the Ur Slug – The party had (to the Adherent’s view), an entirely equitable business transaction, wherein they fell into debt for 105 silver pieces (at 10% per session interest).

Velkis – The party killed Velkis. That was very rude.

Highlights

In the town of Spi-Dopolis, a new set of adventurers prepare to plumb the depths of the Dungeon Moon in search of freedom, or at least some better vittles. Their town, dominated by the titanic, mind-reading spider Tzu’Bleh is surrounded on all sides by the great long bristles of Tzu’Blehs eight legs, so that none may come or go without the great spider’s knowing. None may ever return after leaving without bringing some treasure for Tzu’Bleh’s horde.

But after steeling their courage with a draft of foul spirits made from gray paste and urine, a trio of friends decide to try their luck in the underworld. Their names are Veritavia, Mift Liver, (with his trusty pup) and Fluffy.

Almost immediately after descending the stairs of the dungeon, Fluffy falls through a rug, and into a pit full of spikes, which give him various punctures and lacerations all over his body. The spikes are coated in a sticky goo, and Fluffy notices that his wounds are emitting a low light. Not thinking much of it, the party proceed into the next room where they encounter a giant rotating stone head with hollow eyes. Mift Liver reaches his arms inside of the eyes, and finds that each eye contains a metal cylinder on a pivot, but he can’t get a good look at them. The party decides to ignore this, and moves to open the single exit from the room. By doing so, a switch is tripped, and the laser cannons in the statues eyes extend. They immediately lock on and fire a shot at each of the tracer lights coming off of Fluffy’s body. Fluffy miraculously takes only one damage, but fails his save versus device. A 6” radius around each wound is disintegrated, and given the sheer number of wounds, the only thing that remains of Fluffy are a few scraps of fur and claws.

Before the party moves on, Fluffy’s brother Mr. Brown finally catches up with the group after being left behind in town. They go along their way.

Exiting the entry chambers, the party began to trace their way through the endless maze of stone passageways without any clear path forward. After some time of wandering they heard a howl, and decided to investigate. They eventually reached a stone vagina in the wall, large enough for a man to walk through upright. Within the stone became soft and pliable, and in the back of the room there was a small sphincter leading into a further chamber. Throwing caution to the wind, the party squeezed themselves through the sphincter into a room more flesh than stone. Its only feature was a tube near the ceiling, dribbling a ball of mucous with a green blob taking form in the center. The party realized they were in a place where the Moon gave birth to some of its monsters, and determined to beat a hasty retreat rather than hazard any interference with the dread mechanism.

Continuing on through the halls, they came upon Davadid the Flabbyman. Davadid’s leg had become stuck in a hole in the ground, and the party graciously offered to let him out. Davadid was greatful, and assured the party that by way of thanks, he would refrain from eating them. The party thanked Davadid for his consideration, and went along their way.

They also breifly passed by a shop set up in the underground, called “Everything Butt,” and managed by a mutant. The muto repeatedly assured the players that “If it’s for a butt, we’ve got it!” but since the players had no money to speak of, they demurred.

Emerging from the labyrinth, the players entered a chamber of slimy, pulsating, green-brown flesh. It coiled up upon itself, forming a spiral mountain that reached its apex high above. As the players made their way around the spiral, they encountered a toll booth managed by the adherents of the Ur Slug—humans with slug-like skin, and eyes rising on long stalks. They insisted on a 5sp per person fee for passage, and offered financing at very reasonable rates. The players agreed to this modest fee, though quickly became annoyed when they reached a second, and then a third toll booth before reaching the top. By the time they were done they were 105 silver pieces in debt to the Ur Slug, at a rate of 10% interest compounding each play session.

Annoyed, they stepped onto the steel elevator that would take them down into a new area of the dungeon—another labyrinth.

Here they encountered a loudmouth wielding a Zweihander named Zack. Zack wore no shirt, only ragged pants, and had a few silver coins woven into his big, curly, yellow beard. Zack wanted to fight. When asked why, Zack replied that it was the only fun thing to do around here. Mr Brown volunteered, but attempted to shame Zack into relinquishing his weapon, since Mr. Brown had no weapon of his own. The tactic worked, and Zack charged forward to fight bare-knuckled, while Mift Liver snuck around to steal the Zweihander left carelessly on the ground.

The battle was intense, but with a devestating claw/claw/bite, Mr Brown tore off Zack’s face, and the party looted him of his 30 silver beard coins.

The party continued onward until they again encountered someone in the labyrinth, this time a spindly old man wearing sanguine robes. The man introduced himself as Velkis, and the party found that they were very nearly incapable of refusing any request he made of them. It was fortunate that his requests were so non-specific, allowing enough loopholes for the frantic party to pelt him with arrows. Mr Brown delivered the finishing blow of tearing Velkis’ chest open.

Already suffering the effects of starvation from not bringing any rations down here, the party devoured most of Velkis, keeping only his vocal chords, his robes, and carving 6 arrows out of his bones. Hoping this was the last they would see of Velkis, the party forged ahead.

Just as they saw an end to the labyrinth up ahead, they stumbled on a dread sight: the discarded skin of a shedding dragon. They considered following some of the trailing flakes off in pursuit of the beast, but thought better of it. They had expended themselves greatly already, and it would be best now if they could return home. They peeked their head into the room before them—a large, well furnished chamber with an iceberg in the center—then scarpered back the way they had come.

They slid down the sides of the Ur Slug’s fleshy spiral (getting slimy on their way, but avoiding the road tolls), and all they encountered between here and the dungeon exit was a tattoo parlor, where Mift Liver got the Orcish word for “war” tattooed on his arm.

Upon returning to town, a duo of Tzu’Bleh’s children retrieved the party’s 4 silver entrance fee, and the party were allowed to return to their homes to rest and recoup for their next outing.

Thoughts and theories on tabletop games.