LotFP Class: The Lucky Motherfucker

Motorcycle daredevil Evel Knievel poised on his Harley-Davidson.  (Photo by Ralph Crane//Time Life Pictures/Getty Images)

I’m kind of on a custom class kick. Humor me.

The Lucky Motherfucker has a d6 hit die, and advances using the Fighter’s experience table. All of the Lucky Motherfucker’s saving throws advance as the Fighter’s save versus Magic does.  Paralyze, Poison, Breath, Device, and Magic all begin at 16, drop to 14 at level 4, then to 12 at level 7, and so on.

It kinda sucks to be a Lucky Motherfucker, actually. Except for the fact that you almost never die, even when you really should have.

Lucky As Fuck: Anytime the Lucky Motherfucker takes damage that would reduce it below 0 hit points, it is reduced to 0 hit points instead. Any time the Lucky Motherfucker is subject to an instant death effect, it is reduced to 0 hit points instead. Only damage taken at 0 hit points can reduce the Lucky Motherfucker below that threshold.

Lucky as Fuuuuuuuck: The first time during any game session that the Lucky Motherfucker reaches 0 hit points, they gain 1d6 hit points. Each subsequent time the Lucky Motherfucker reaches 0 hit points, they must roll 1d20. If they roll above the number of times they have already reached 0 hit points this session, then they again gain 1d6 hit points. Otherwise they remain at 0 hit points, and cannot benefit from the Lucky as Fuuuuuuuck ability again until they’ve been healed to above 1 hit point.

So the first time is automatic. The second time you must roll above a 1. The third time you must roll above a 2. And so on, and so forth.

Some Backstory: Awhile back, I played in a game run by Brendan S. In that game,  a character who hit 0 hp had to make a roll-under Constitution check to see if they lived or died. After losing several characters, I rolled a character named Hawkwind who was blessed with 18 Constitution.

Hawkwind ‘died’ more times than I can remember, but each time he died, he had a literally 90% chance to pop right back up again. It was broken, and unfair, and awesome. Obviously it’s not ideal for this ability to be the result of a random die roll made at character creation, which is why Brendan changed the rule so that each “near death experience” reduced the character’s constitution by 1. But perhaps if the entire class is designed to suck at everything except surviving past when they ought to die, it can be a fun addition to the party rather than an annoyingly unfair advantage.

LotFP Class: Lawyer

220px-MarivauxFalseConfidences02I like the Law skill, as used by John Bell in his Necrocarserous game. It’s pretty simple: when the players encounter a system of laws and codes, or wish to represent themselves as part of a such a system, they spout some legalese-sounding mumbo-jumbo, then make a law check. If the check is successful, then either your character knew what they were talking about, or they simply managed to sound confident enough that the person they’re talking to feels too intimidated to object.

Of course, a bandit is not going to care that it’s illegal to rob and murder you, no matter how official you make it sound. But an officer of the law may be convinced that you have the authority to do whatever it is that she stopped you from doing. Or you may convince a customs agent to let you pass without the proper documentation. Perhaps the mayor will be intimidated to learn about her town’s severe zoning violations, and allow you to demolish the buildings that are in the way of your keep’s expansion.

The skill is tons of fun to use in play, which is why I’m bummed that I can’t effectively add it to LotFP.  Raising a skill to 6-in-6 is great, because it means you’ll almost always succeed at what you’re attempting. But with the law skill,  that’d turn characters into an unassailable legal authority. It functions best when it’s unreliable, as it is in the highly unpredictable skills system used in Necrocarserous.

Sooooooo, why not just make a Lawyer class?

The Lawyer

Note: The Lawyer class assumes the game is being run with Courtney Campbell’s “On the Non Player Character” social interaction system.

The Lawyer has the same hit dice and experience progression as a Halfling, and saves as a Halfling of 1 level lower than the Lawyer’s current level. Lawyers, after all, are slippery folk.

Law: Lawyers know the law. And when they don’t know the law, they’re pretty good at faking it. Whenever a lawyer is interacting with laws, or a codified set of rules, they can make a law check to attempt to get what they want out of the interaction. The player must produce some vaguely accurate sounding gibberish, then roll. A 5 or better always indicates success.

At first level, the Lawyer rolls 1d6. At third level this increases to 1d8. At fifth level, to 1d10. And at seventh level, to 1d12.

Smooth Talker: In any social interaction, the Lawyer receives a number of bonus social actions equal to her level.

Contract Negotiation: When there is a Lawyer in the party, it is assumed that any agreement the party makes will be detailed by a contract signed by both parties. Any dispute about the agreement will then be subject to the Lawyer’s law skill at a +1 bonus, since the Lawyer will be arguing from a document they authored themselves.

Legislate: Legislation may be attempted any time the Lawyer is associated with visible public good. For example, donating a large amount of gold to charity, or being part of an adventuring party which slays a terrible monster. If the general feeling among the townsfolk is that the Lawyer is a pretty great person, they might be interested in subscribing to your newsletter.

The Lawyer may then draft a law for the town. Laws which would be obviously destructive to the town may be rejected out of hand at the referees discretion. So “The town must give all of its money to me.” is right out. But there’s no reason the Lawyer couldn’t propose a 10% annual tax be paid to the party for 5 years, as payment for services rendered. Or something like that.

Once the law is drafted, the Lawyer makes a Law check. If the check is successful, the law is enacted. If the check fails, then the law is rejected, and the Lawyer has squandered all of her social cache by backing such an unpopular idea.

Referees, of course, are encouraged to enhance their game by introducing interesting consequences for laws which are poorly considered, or do not promote the public good. A 10% tax will probably start to seem very unreasonable after a poor harvest.

LotFP Class: Slasher

JasonPCI’m in a Halloween mood. And who doesn’t want to play as Jason in their next game?

Slashers like to kill people. But just killing them is boring. Slorch, dead, done. There’s no flavor to it. In order for a kill to be really memorable, really worthwhile, there has to be fear. And here’s where the Slasher really excels. Slashers can cause fear like no other creature can.

Slashers are not undead creatures. But, then, they’re clearly not normal examples of their kind any longer, are they? If undead are dead things which enjoy the benefits of being alive, the Slashers are living things which enjoy the benefits of being dead.

The slasher uses a d8 for its hit die. Hit bonus and saves advance as a cleric.

Stealth: At first level, the Slasher’s stealth skill is 1-in-6, and improves by 1 on even numbered levels. (2-in-6 at level 2; 3-in-6 at level 4, etc.)

Weapon Restrictions: The imposing nature of the Slasher’s physical presence is the source of their power. As such, they cannot use ranged weapons as part of any of their abilities. And, due to the lack of deliciously personal fear ranged weapons produce, Slashers tend to be bummed about using them. They take a -2 penalty to hit.

Fake Out: Any time a Slasher takes damage, they may “die” if they wish to. 1d4 – 1 rounds later, the Slasher returns, jumping out from some nearby hiding place and gaining a surprise attack on anyone within melee range. The body they leave behind when they die is their real body. Nobody will ever notice it has disappeared until the very instant before the Slasher returns. The Slasher must reappear after 1d4 – 1 rounds. They can’t delay their return for any reason.

Jump Scare: A Jump Scare is an attack made against the target’s wisdom score, rather than their armor class. If the attack is attempted outside of a surprise action, then it requires a full round to make the attempt, and that attempt suffers a -4 penalty.

If a Jump Scare is attempted during a surprise round, then it is a free action. If the Slasher so desires, they may also make a normal melee attack. If the melee attack succeeds, then the Jump Scare attack receives a bonus to-hit equal to 1/2 of the damage dealt by the melee attack.

(Example: You have a surprise round. You attack with your machete, dealing 4 damage. You then roll your Jump Scare attack, which receives a +2 bonus to hit due to the successful melee attack).

Characters who have been successfully hit by a Jump Scare suffer a cumulative -1 penalty to their morale score. Creatures without a Morale score are immune to Jump Scare. Affected creatures must also roll 1d6 on the table below, and add their wisdom modifier:

-2. The character suffers a heart attack and must save versus Poison or die from fear.
-1. The character is so shocked they faint, and remain unconscious for 2d6 rounds.
0. The character suffers a severe heart palpatation, and takes 1d8 hit point damage. They also attempt to run, but stumble, and cower on the ground for 1 round before getting up.
1. The character attempts to run, but they stumble over their own feet and are left cowering on the ground for 1 round before they regain their composure.
2. The character flees, dropping whatever they were carrying in the process.
3. The character attempts to flee.
4. The character is completely paralyzed by fear for 1 round, losing any bonus to their AC from dexterity. Any attacks the Slasher makes against them gain a +2 bonus.
5. The character is shaken. The Slasher gains a +2 to hit against them. The character is compelled to attack the Slasher in self defense, but their panicked flailing suffers a -4 penalty.
6.  The character is shaken. The slasher gains a +2 to hit against them. They are compelled not to attack the Slasher at all.
7. The character is shaken. The Slasher gains a +2 to hit against them. If the character is affected by Jump Scare again, they suffer a -1 when rolling on the effect table.
8. If the character is affected by Jump Scare again, they suffer a -2 when rolling on the fright table.
9. If the character is affected by Jump Scare again, they suffer a -1 when rolling on the effect table.

Quirk: Each slasher has a quirk, rolled randomly at level 1. Or chosen from the list, if your referee is generous.

  1. Slow. The character’s base speed is halved, but they never ever ever need to sleep.
  2. Lumbering. The Slasher suffers -2 to all attack rolls. (Not Jump Scare rolls.) Their weapon’s damage die is increased by 1. (So a 1d6 weapon becomes a 1d8 weapon.)
  3. Mute. The character can’t talk. They gain a +1 to their stealth checks.
  4. Masked. The Slasher loses all of their powers if their face is currently visible. So long as their face is covered, the Slasher has +1 armor rating.
  5. Tough. The character gains +1 hp each level, but their Fake Out resurrection happens after 1d4 +1 rounds, rather than 1d4 -1 rounds.
  6. Cannibal. The Slasher must eat the flesh of its own species each day. But it can smell its own species, up to a distance of 60′.
  7. Insane. The character gains a +2 to any save made against mind effecting effects, but suffers a -2 penalty to reaction rolls.
  8. Supernatural. The Slasher can be held at bay with strongly presented religious symbols, but after a Fake Out they can resurrect anytime they wish within 1 hour of ‘death,’ so long as they are within 30′ of either the character who “killed” them, or of one of their own allies.
  9. Lake terrorist. The character does not need to breathe at all, making them immune to gas effects, and allowing them to stay underwater indefinitely. However, they can only gain restful sleep while underwater.
  10. The Judge. When the Slasher looks at a person, they immediately know the worst thing that person has ever done in their life. And, somehow, that person also knows that the slasher knows.

The Moral of the Story, a subsystem proposal for Masters of Carcosa

Ramanan Sivaranjan of Save vs. Total Party Kill runs a game called Masters of Carcosa, and I play in it. As you might guess from the name of the game, it uses the Carcosa setting. With a lot of emphasis on the He-Man elements of that game world, rather than the meat grinder elements. It has so far been a pretty fun game to play in.

After yesterday’s game session, we got to talking about He Man, and how every episode ended with a shoehorned “moral of the story,” which really only existed to dissuade parents from writing angry letters about what a terrible influence the show was on children. Ram decided it would be fun if he started appending a moral to the end of each play report. I’d like to suggest an alternative to him, inspired by Arnold K‘s Poet class.

See, in this particular game, the party is a troupe of traveling actors called The Rainbow Connection. And we’ve decided our goal is to try and forge some kind of civilization in the wastelands of Carcosa.

So, anytime the party ends their adventure in a town, they can put on a show about their most recent adventure. The show ends with a moral derived from the subject material. Morals should flow naturally from the story, and should be general in nature. A moral can’t be “give all your money to The Rainbow Connection.” But it could be “Give your money to people stronger than you.” All morals are subject to the approval of the referee.

Each new moral is added to “The Code of Carcosa.” Players are  responsible for tracking the contents of the code. If the players forget to write down one of their morals, then it doesn’t exist. The Code of Carcosa will form the basis for civilized culture and morality in Carcosa.

Anytime a settlement is acting contrary to the code, the players may point this out to the settlement. They then roll a 1d10, aiming to roll under or equal to the settlement’s civilization score. On a success, the settlement is embarrassed about their uncivilized behavior.

The base civilization score for a settlement is 0. Each time a show with a moral at the end of it is performed in the settlement, that settlement gains 1 civilization point. This seems to me like a pretty good rate of adaptation. The fastest possible amount of time it would take to fully civilize a new settlement is 10 sessions.

Of course, this is still Carcosa. The Code of Carcosa is open to interpretation. Settlements will only feel bound to obey the letter of the law. Not its spirit. A sloppily composed moral like “Don’t kill people just because they’re a different color than you” might lead to claims that “We’re not killing the Jale men because they’re Jale. We’re killing them because they engage in despicable Jale culture.”

An interesting way of creating characters above first level.

levelGenerally I don’t like making characters above first level. There’s really no reason a 1st level character can’t play alongside higher level characters and feel useful. Particularly in OSR style games, where power levels don’t range quite as wildly as they do in other games.

That said, when the whole party is level 6+ and I die, I sometimes get grumpy about needing to start back at level 1. And today in the shower I came up with a neat option.

The referee sets a limit for how high the character can level using this system. A good limit would either be one level lower than the level of the player’s recently deceased character, or the average level of the party as a whole. The character levels up one at a time until they either reach this limit, or decide to stop wherever they are and introduce their new character at the level they stopped at.

Each time the character levels up, they roll 1d20 against 10 + their new level. (So leveling from 1 to 2 would require a roll against 12. Leveling from 2 to 3 would require a roll against 13. And so on.)

Pass or fail, the character levels up either way. But if they roll above the target, then they get to roll 2d6 on the boon table. If they roll below the target, then they have to roll 2d6 on the mishap table.


2. The character has made some excellent investments in shipping ventures! They gain gold equal to 200% of the XP that would normally be required to reach their new level from their previous one.

3. The character has been afflicted by some beneficial mutation. I recommend rolling on The Metamorphica, and re rolling anything that player seems too upset about. Alternatively, the referee could just fiat something cool. An extra arm that can hold a second shield, a fungus growing in the character’s stomach that means they almost never have to eat, a 3′ prehensile dick that can spit acid for 1d6 damage. That sort of thing.

4. The character has carefully saved their money. They gain gold equal to 100% of the XP normally required to reach their new level from their previous one.

5. The character has somehow acquired some official title or authority for themselves. It ought to be appropriate for the level it was rolled for. A lower level character may have earned a commission as captain of the duke’s guard, with some authority that can be exercised within the duke’s territory. A higher level character may have simply earned the title of duke.

6. The character saved somebody’s life. They’re more interesting than a simple peasant, but they’re really not that important in the grand scheme. Maybe a city guard, or a village priest or something. They consider the character a very good friend, and may even have decided to join the character as a hireling.  If not, then their home will always be open to the character to crash in. They’ll happily offer interest free loans, and gifts on special occasions.

7. The character has been wise with their money. They gain gold equal to 25% of the XP required to reach your current level from the previous one.

8. The character managed to save up enough cash to purchase some expensive piece of commonly available adventuring equipment. This is probably a suit of plate armor, or perhaps a faithful steed. The player might have bought a small shack or cottage somewhere.

9. Through rigorous time taken off to train, the character has improved themselves. Roll 1d6 to randomly select an ability score. The character gains +1 in that ability.

10.  By hook or by crook, the character managed to convince someone big and important that they’re a pretty neat dude. Some character, like a general, a wizard, a duke, or a wealthy merchant will treat you well and be disposed to you over others. They won’t load you up with cash. Think about the best friend you’ve ever had in the workplace, but never really made that leap into hanging out with outside of work.

11. The character has managed to get their hands on a minor magic item. The referee will need to figure out what is appropriate for their campaign. I’m thinking a healing potion in a game where healing potions aren’t for sale. Or maybe a hat that gives you +2 to lying, or something.

12. The character managed to get their hands on a magic item of top notch coolness. The referee will need to figure out what is appropriate for their campaign.  I’m thinking a sword that summons lightning bolts on a natural 20, or gloves that allow you to cast Charm Person on anyone you shake the hand of.


2.  One of the chartacter’s hands was crushed into a pulp and had to be amputated. Randomly determine which.

3. A cannonball or ballista tore through one of the character’s legs, removing it just below the knee. Randomly determine which.

4. The character was stricken by a horrific disease which brought them to the very brink of death. They recovered, but were forever weakened. Roll 1d6 to determine a random ability score. Reduce that score by 1d4.

5. The character has been afflicted by some horrible mutation. I recommend using The Metamorphica, and rerolling anything the player looks too happy about. Otherwise the referee can simply fiat something icky: a craterous formation that oozes pungent mucus, a blind eye stalk growing from the character’s ear, a second mouth that lisps insults at everyone the character meets. Stuff like that.

6. Some minor villain has declared a blood oath of vengeance against the character. Whether a petty thief, or proud warrior, or a single monster with a taste for the character’s particular flavor of flesh, this foe will hunt the character and attack them until one or the other is dead.

7. After a bad night of gambling, the character accrued a debt. The debt is equal to 25% of the XP normally required to reach the character’s new level from the previous one.

8.  The player suffered a period of extreme hardship. Either stuck out in the elements, trapped without food or water, or tortured by a sadistic foe. Regardless, they’ve never been quite the same. Roll 1d6 to randomly determine an ability score. That score is reduced by 1.

9. Deserved or not, the character has made themselves a dangerous enemy. A character with significant resources (a wizard, a baron, a wealthy merchant) has decided that they cannot sleep soundly until the character is dead.

10. After a really bad night of gambling, the character has accrued a significant debt to some dangerous people. The debt is equal to 100% of the XP normally required to reach the character’s newest level from the previous one.

11. A stray sword struck the character’s hand in battle, chopping off a finger. There is no necessary mechanical penalty for this.

12. Whatever the character has endured, the scars cannot be hidden. They criss-cross his body, deeply discolored. Chunks of meat are noticeably missing. There’s splotchy bubbling, and perhaps even puss. The character suffers a -1 to charisma in any situation where they want to appear friendly or attractive. But a +1 to charisma in any situation where they want their martial prowess taken seriously.

In retrospect this is kind of a ripoff of Traveller. But meh. At least you can’t die. =P

Spending Money 3: The Curio Shop

Hiestand-3-SPlayers having the ability to buy magic items isn’t actually a problem. It’s the means by which the purchase of magic items is implemented that can be a problem. Functionally unlimited access to a full list of magic items is the problem. Game advancement that assumes the players will accrue magic item upgrades along a vague schedule is the problem.

But if a wizard opens his robes to reveal a necklace hanging from the inside and says “You want necklace? Much magical. Good price. You buy now, yes?” Well then that’s just fuckin’ awesome.

The Curio Shop could take a number of different forms. Perhaps it’s a well known fixture of a capitol city’s wealthy merchantile district. Perhaps it’s a run down shack in the ghetto. It could be a traveling wagon that sets up wherever it finds people; or it could be an extra dimensional room, the entrance to which is any door that you walk through backwards 3 times.

Regardless, the curio shop can only be visited during play. Players can’t purchase from it between sessions the way they might with other shops.

While there are always a large number of oddities available in the curio shop, most are really just there to drain the coins of the unserious looky-loo. For those looking for something more substantive than a cow fetus in a jar, there are always 8 items available for sale.

Each time the players enter the shop, 1d6-1 random items have been sold since the last time the players visited. The empty slots are restocked by rolling on the d100 restocking table, which can be repopulated at the referee’s leisure.

I would recommend that the referee track items randomly removed from the shop. Because, ya know, the fact that they’re gone means that somebody out there in your campaign world bought them. So it serves as a handy list of magic items you can give to an NPC.

Some items in the curio shop are there merely because they appear to be magical, or otherwise impressive. These items will require identification, and may prove to be nothing more than expensive baubles. Other items have already been identified, and are invariably priced much higher. It is important that players be made aware of these facts. While the shop keeper may be trying to fleece the players, the referee should be clear about the facts: “This item may or may not be magical. You won’t be able to find out until you buy it.” That’s an interesting choice, and one that players will take you up on from time to time. And no, the curio shop owner doesn’t want you futzing with his inventory, casting Identify on items before you buy them.

All sales are final.

Currently In Stock:

1. A powder puff. When used, raises your Cha to 18 for one day, but reduces your STR to 3 for the same length of time. Has 8 uses. Cost: 600sp

2. A six sided die which always lands on the last side you tapped your index finger on. Cost: 200sp.

4. A pocket of holding. Once sewn onto pants or a pack, it can hold a single item, which a single character would be able to lift by themselves. When placed in this pocket, the item adds nothing to the character’s encumbrance. Cost: 2000sp.

5. Wooden Rat mask. Painted in a simplistic, tribal fashion. Cost: 2000sp

Identify: When worn, there is an 80% chance the character will transform into a rat (with all the benefits and penalties that implies), and a 20% chance that everyone, including the wearer’s friends, will simply see them as a rat. Only the wearer can tell the difference. Once it has been worn, the mask’s effects will remain the same for 1 week.

6. Flickering Prism Ioun Stone Cost: 1200sp.

Identify: Ioun Stone 151 “The IOUN stone of absolute desperation stores a massive amount of positive energy. The user can employ this stone only a limited number of times, allowing for the casting of any single spell at 1d3+1 levels higher and at maximum effect, causing a -2 penalty on any saves made against the chosen spell’s effects. The stone has a base chance of 50% of crumbling after its initial use, with an increase of +10% per use.”

7. A compass which will always point towards the location of the last person whose blood was dribbled on the needle. Cost: 3800sp

8. A housecat-sized grizzly bear in a cage. Cost: 500sp

D100 Restocking Table

Restocking List:

1.A long-lived, 4 inch tall woman. Claims to be the daughter of a woman who fell in love with a beetle. Does not appreciate being sold as a curio, but is under a curse and must obey whomever purchases her until they die. Even if they wish to free her. Cost: 4200sp

2. An entrancing box of chocolates. When offered to anyone, their reaction roll is immediately considered Friendly. Once offered, the recipient will consume the chocolates, and the item will become useless. Cost: 900sp

3. The crest of the Wizard Overlord for Level 7, Column D. Cost: 4000sp

4. A piece of brown chalk. Cost: 300sp

Identify: When a circle is drawn on the ground with this chalk, a simple one-room hut of wood will appear. Max diameter 15’

5. A door which, when rested against a wall and knocked upon, becomes a real functioning door in the wall. One use only. Cost: 500sp

6. A scroll of Fireball as the AD&D spell. Cost: 1400sp

7. A scroll of Cone of Cold as the AD&D spell. Cost: 2000sp

8. A scroll of Ice Storm as the AD&D spell. Cost: 1700sp

9. A scroll of Shocking Grasp as the AD&D spell. Cost: 800sp

10. Triple Barrel Pistol. Takes 3 times as long to load, but each barrel can be fired individually or together. Cost: 1500sp

11. Sure Tangle Whip. Any non-threatening object which a whip could easily wrap around, the whip will tightly wrap around on a successful attack roll. Rafters or teacups are good examples. Enemy feet or weapons don’t work. Cost: 600sp

12. Unknottable rope. Completely mundane in all respects, save that any knot tied with the rope, regardless of the skill with which it was tied, will immediately come undone as soon as pressure is placed upon it. Cost: 100sp

13. Gloves which chill anything they touch. This cannot be used as an attack, but will keep your drinks from getting warm. Cost: 100sp

14. A codpiece with a large, upwards turning horn on it. Cost: 200sp

Identify: Nothing

15. A stone dagger. Carved elaborately. Cost: 500sp

Identify: Nothin’

16. A glass dagger. Cost: 500sp

Identify: A glasstouch dagger, as seen in Magical Marvels 10.

  1.   A small, pocket sized horse made of jade. Cost: 400sp

Identify: Nothin’

18. A metal skullcap covered in 6” long spikes, spaced 3” apart. Cost: 3500sp

Identify: Grants the wearer a +2 bonus to rolls to resist charm effects. And, if successfully saved against, the helm deals 2d8 damage to the caster of said spell.

19. A blue speckled egg with the words “Hat of Five Birds” written in gold letters around it. Cost: 1500sp

Identify: A Hat of 5 Birds, as seen in Magical Marvels 14.

20. A deck of Illusions. Each card pulled from the deck will cause an illusion to materialize. (As seen in Magical Marvels 15) Cost: 1200sp

21. A staff topped with a skull, roses grow from the eye sockets. A spellcaster may tap it on the ground, and expend one of their spells for the day, to unleash a blast of spores. Targets must save v. breath or become infected with the sproes. 1 turn later they must make a save v. magic. On success, they take 2d8 damage as the spores die. On failure, the spores wrap around their brain, and they become the spellcaster’s minions for one week, then die. Cost: 12,500sp

22. A snarling cat’s mouth with a blade erupting from it. Somewhat crudely carved on the hilt is the name “Skarper.” This weapon provides a +1 bonus to attack and damage, and the wielder gains darkvision, as well as a +2 bonus to any attempt to flee from or avoid combat. Cost: 2400sp

23. Spear of many. When thrown, this spear magically multiplies into a barrage of 10 spears. If the to hit roll was successful, the target takes 1d10 times normal spear damage. If the roll was a failure, the target still takes 1d4 times normal spear damag. Unfortunately, it takes a full day for the conjured spears to disappear, so after combat, the character must either carry 10 spears around all day, or risk losing the one true magic spear. Cost: 8,000sp

24. A 1” tall featureless figurine which takes on the appearance of anyone who picks it up. Once purchased, it imprints on its owner, and will no longer change shape. At will, the owner may trade places with the figurine, appearing wherever the figurine was, while the figurine appears wherever the owner was. After each use there is a 2% chance the figurine will crumble to dust. Cost: 2500sp

25. A codpiece with a large, outwards spike of steel on it. Cost: 200sp

Identify: Can be used to launch lightning bolts at foes with an aggressive hip thrust. Save v. Devices or take 1d6 damage.

26. A specially designed pistol with a brace of 20 capsules. Each capsule can be fired at a target within 5’, exploding in a puff of powdery smoke from the end of the gun, and being inhaled by the victim. That target must save v. poison to avoid the effects of the powder. On failure, the one who fired the gun must make a charisma check, with the target’s hit dice as a penalty. If they succeed, the target becomes their obedient servant for 2d4 weeks before the powder wears off. If the charisma check is failed, there is an 80% chance the target will become crazed and violent, gaining a +4 to both hit and damage rolls. The other 20% of the time, the target’s head explodes. Cost: 5,000sp

27. A small cymbal the size of a saucer. When rapped with the knuckles, it creates no sound. Instead, any undead creatures within 100’ wail loudly in pain, revealing their locations. This does not reveal the location of the party, though intelligent undead are likely to realize some foe is nearby. Cost: 400sp

28. A bracelet with simple stick-figure depictions of weapon fighting around it. Cost: 400sp

Identify: A weapon up to medium size can be stored in an extradimensional space inside of this bracelet. As a move action, the weapon can be launched into the owner’s hand.

29. A chainmail bikini. Grants a base armor class of 18, and uses only 1 encumberance. Cost: 4000sp

30. A ring of tinkering +1. If the tinkering check is failed, character takes a -4 on any saving throws that would result from failure. Cost: 700sp

31. A ring with a large diamond on it. The ring allows the player to grant any other person’s wish. However, the wish ceases to function if the player who granted the wish comes within 500’ of the person whose wish was granted. (Resuming function once they are again sufficiently far apart). A wish cannot be coerced. Cost: 3000sp

32. A ring which makes the hand that wears it completely invulnerable. If the sun goes supernova, your hand–ending at the wrist–will be all that remains. Cost: 1100sp.

33. A ring with a small length of string sprouting from its outside edge–perhaps 1/3rd of an inch. Cost: 300sp

Identify: Anything thrown with this hand, while wearing this ring, will return to the hand as soon as it stops moving, flying backwards through the battlefield. Ammunition from bows, crossbows, etc do not count.

34. A ring which makes any weapon the wearer holds poisonous. (If damage rolled is in the upper half of the weapon’s damage range, target must save v. poison or take 3d6 Con damage over 2 turns). Once put on, this ring can never be taken off without removing the finger. (“You feel a dozen spikes around the ring drilling through meat and deep into the bone of your finger.”) While ring is worn, your own poison save is reduced by 1. Cost: 2000sp

35. A mummified finger. If your own finger is cut off and this one attached in its place, you permanently lose 1 point of charisma, but gain the use of a “Hold Person” touch attack once per day. Cost: 1300sp

36. Box of Snuff. 20 doses. Cost: 500sp

Identify: When used, you may act twice per round for the duration of the combat it is used in. (Using it counts as an action in combat). At the end of combat, save v. poison, or pass out for 1d4 hours.

37. A bullseye lantern. If shined in the eyes of a foe (An attack action) they must make a save v. devices or suffer the same blindness as if Light had been cast on their eyes. Cost: 800sp

38. A 10’ pole with a permanent “Knock” spell on the tip of it. Touch a door, and the door will pop open. Does not work if the door is locked with a mechanical lock of -1 difficulty or more. Does work if the door is barred from the other side, or Wizard locked. Cost: 1800sp

39. A muddy pair of boots and overalls. When worn, no one will remember what you look like if they try to describe you later, unless you specifically speak to them. People who might already recognize you from seeing your face previously must make a wisdom save to successfully recognize you. Cost: 800sp

40. A book. It is locked (tinkering required to open it). If “Read Magic” is cast on the runes on the cover, it reads “Do not begin a thing you cannot finish.” Cost: 2000sp

Identify: Anyone who begins reading the book cannot stop reading until they are finished. Unfortunately, the book is supernaturally long, and they cannot eat, drink, or sleep while they read. The base time to read the book is 3 days. Make an Int check. For each four points by which the check succeeds, it takes one less day. For each two points by which the check fails, it takes one more day. Characters take 1d6 damage each day. If they survive, their Intelligence is permanently increased by 1d3, to a maximum of 18.

41. A hairbrush. Cost: 150sp

Identify: When you brush your hair with it, your hair’s color changes. Takes 1 turn, can change to any color that exists.

42. A simple leather belt with a bronze buckle. Once per week, wearer may give stern orders to anyone of their same species which is still considered a child. (12 and under for humans). The child is beholden to follow all orders from the wearer for 24 hours, as if under the effects of Charm Person. However, the child is intimidated, not charmed. Cost: 800sp

43. A snorkel which legs longer the deeper the wearer goes, or the higher the water rises. Air will always reach someone using this snorkel, so long as there is a straight line between them and the surface. (Won’t function in underwater caves, for example). Cost: 600sp

44. Goggles of detect magic. While worn, it is as though you are constantly under the effects of a Detect Magic spell. For each turn worn, roll a save v. devices. On failure, you go blind for a number of days equal to the number of turns the goggles were worn. Cost: 1300sp

45. An admiral’s hat, with ribbons on one side. Cost: 200sp

Identify: Nothin’

46. A plumed headdress. Cost: 200sp

Identify: While worn, you can speak to birds.

47. A tri-corner hat. While worn, you have a chance to cut off some creature’s heads on a hit roll of 20. For creatures with 1-2 hit dice, the chance is 100%. 3-5HD creatures at 50%, and 6-7HD creatures at 20%. Cost: 10,000sp

48. A band of gold to wrap around your head, gems stud the outside of it, Four large golden horns curve up to the center, where they meet high above your head. Cost: 10,000sp

Identify: Nothin

49. A band of gold metal to go ‘round your head. Flowing golden cloth encapsules your hair, and falls down around your shoulders. (Like a pharoes headdress) Cost: 8,000sp

Identify: The headdress of the god king. A reaction roll of 12 with HD1 creatures will cause them to revere you as a god.

50. A human scalp, reinforced with hard leather. Grants a +6 on saving throws versus magic or devices. Allies all suffer -1. Cost: 4000sp

51. A crinkled wrapping of thin, soft metal. It is shaped to be fit over the head. When worn, you are immune to any mind affecting spells, or psionic attacks. However, everything which comes out of your mouth is pure maddness. No one can have a reaction roll better than neutral with you. Cost: 1500sp

52. A pocketwatch. Only tells time when a monster is encountered. If the individual monster with the highest HD has more HD than you, the watch will read “Time to Run,” if they have equal, it will read “Time to talk,” if they have less, it will read “Time to crush the weak!” Cost: 1000sp

53. A cuckoo clock which chimes anytime someone is about to attack you from hiding. Comes with straps so it can be worn as a backpack, requiring a full encumberance slot. Cost: 600sp

54. Sandles of peaceful travel. While traveling overland, you get where you’re going with no encounters, and no memories of having travelled. Save v. poison or lose 1d6 x 5% of carried coinage. Cost: 1200sp

55. A dwarven beard-ring which causes your beard to look particularly grand. Dwarfs react at plus 2, and goblings & giants of 10 HD or less (total, as a group) must check morale or flee immediately before you. Cost: 2000sp

56. A monocle. Those who don’t know you assume you’re landed gentry, regardless of any other clothes you’re wearing. Cost:600sp

57. Sash of holding. Each such sash may hold 1d4 + 1 weapons without adding anything to encumberence. The sash itself is 1 item. Cost: 1600sp

58. Sash of dancing. You become the greatest dancer in the world whilst wearing this. Only the gods themselves could challenge your skill. Cost: 3000sp

59. A mask which, when worn, takes on the appearance of your own face, only upside down. While wearing it, you may attempt to turn undead as a cleric of half your hit dice once per day. Cost: 1000sp

60. A blank mask. Grants +1 to Vanish checks. Allows non-specialists to make vanish checks at 1-in-6.

61. A goat mask. Devils will treat you as though you are the very lowest ranking form of devil. (Because all goats are devils).

62. A pig which has been fed all of its life on a steady diet of dragonsbane. If a dragon eats it, they must save v. poison or die. Cost: 2000sp

63. A black potion with purple bubbles. Cost: 500sp

Identify: Raise all stats to 18 for 1 day.

64. A modern revolver with 2d12 bullets. The bullets cannot be manufactured, due to the high amount of precision required. Has a +2 to hit for ease of use, and deals 2d10 damage. If either die rolls a 10, the target must save v. poison or die. Cost: 1500sp

65. A vest which grants the wearer gaseous form as the spell at will, but only functions if no one is looking at them when they use it. Can be worn with other armor. Cost: 4000sp

66. A large robe, cannot be worn with any other armors. Grants spell resistence of 10% to the character which wears it. Cost: 3000sp

67. A cape which allows the wearer to perform minor acts of prestedigitation. Pulling rabbits from hats, and creating entertaining sparkles of light, etc. Cost: 700sp

68. A hand drill which drills completely silently. Cost: 200sp

69. A dragon’s heart. If eaten, save v., poison. If you fail you lose 1d6 con. If you succeed you gain 1d2. Cost: 300sp

70. A trained monkey. Loyalty 6, climb is 5-in-6, stealth and sleight of hand are both 3-in-6. Cost: 1100sp

71. A bronze snake headed staff. Cost: 1200sp

Identify: Allows a magic user to speak to serpents. Intelligent reptiles encountered must save v. magic. On a failure the caster gainst a +2 to their reaction roll, on a failure they take a -2 penalty because it is shameful for a non-reptile to have the staff. Staff also allows wielder to cast “Sticks to Snakes” once per day.

72. A silver snake headed staff. Cost: 1200sp

Identify: Nada

73. A pokearm which can be set against a charge, and will remain set in that spot even if you walk away. Does not move until it draws blood (which can be a harmless finger prick if you need to pick it up again). Cost: 900sp

74. A sling which always hits whatever you aim at, but never deals any damage. The impact is always just a firm tap. Cost: 600sp

75. A vampire’s tooth. While held, any cannibalism you engage in restores 2d6 hit points. Additionally, if you ever encounter the vampire whose tooth it is (1% chance each time you encounter a vampire), the tooth will give you some small measure of power over the vampire for as long as they don’t know you have it. (If they see it, your power is broken, and they will hunt you to the ends of the earth). Cost: 1100sp

76. A quill, made of peacock plume. Cost: 300sp

Identify: Nada

77. A quill, made from parrot feather. Cost: 300sp

Identify: If dipped in a person’s blood, then anything written in that person’s blood, they will say out loud as soon as you finish writing it. (Max 1 page.)

78. A bright blue potion which swirls of its own volition. Cost: 250sp

Identify: Heals 1d10+1

79. A potion which fades from pink to purple depending on the our of the day. Cost: 250sp

Identify: The imbiber can levitate up and down only. Spell ends when their feet touch the ground.

80. A black potion which looks white around the edges where it touches the container. Cost: 250sp

Identify: A potion of deliberation. No random encounters occur. Any creature you seek to encounter appears within 1 turn of beginning your search.

81. A bronze cooking pan. Cost: 150sp

Identify: Anything cooked in the pan is seasoned and marinated excellently. It’s a bitch to clean, though.

82. Teapot. Cost: 200sp

Identify: Any water in the teapot will boil within 1 minute.

83. An urn. When opened, an ash beast will be released, and attack your foes. When your foes are destroyed, the ash beast will attempt to leave. If you hold the urn towards the creature, it must save v. device. If it fails, it is returned to the jar. If it succeeds, the urn shatters, and the creature will attack you. Cost: 800sp

84. A bull headed staff. Cost: 2000sp

Identify: The wielder of the staff gains +2 strength. Those hit with the staff (with a melee attack roll) must save v. device or be knocked backwards 1d4 x 5’. If the wielder of this staff stands in the path of a charging beast, the beast must save v. magic or stop its charge. (It will still be hostile. If it succeeds, the MU will be hit by the charge. Minotaurs who see someone wielding this staff will become enraged.

85. A unicorn headed staff made of lightweight metal, unfamiliar to you. Cost: 2000sp

Identify: Nothing

86. A steel staff. The top twists like a net around a dozen rattling rat skulls. Cost: 2000sp

Identify: The wielder of this staff may summon a swarm of 12 rats each day. The swarm understands his verbal commands, but is unable to perform any task which would require more than normal rat intelligence.

87. A staff of red wood. At the tip is an eternal candle flame. Cost: 2000sp

Identify: Nada

88. A longsword which can’t hit in melee. It only hits targets which are at a distance. Targets 10’ away can be attacked normally. For each additional 10’ of distance, the attacker suffers a -2 to their hit roll. Cost: 3000sp

89. A longsword. On a successful hit, roll 1d4. On a 1-3, the sword deals only 1 damage. On a 4, the sword deals 10 damage. Cost: 1900sp

90. A Shortsword. On a killing blow, the victim explodes in a 20’ cone of boiling blood away from their attacker. Anyone in that area takes 3d6 damage, save v. breath for half. Cost: 2000sp

91. A crossbow which ignores all armor, but takes a full round to reload. Cost: 1500sp

92. A crossbow which fires bolt with a string of light attached to them. On successfully dealing damage, target must save v. paralyzation or be pulled into melee range with the crossbow wielder. Cost: 2000sp

93. 3 charming arrows. Those who are struck by them must save v. device, or be affected by a charm spell until the arrow is removed. Cost: 200sp each

94. Arrow of Unmaking. Target of a successful hit must save v. poison, or the arrow goes back in time and kills one of their parents as a child, making it as though they had never existed. Cost: 400sp

95. A shield which floats in the air, allowing the wielder to use two handed weapons. However, the shield gets in the way a bit, causing a -2 to attack rolls. Cost: 900sp

96-100. Roll a random Ioun Stone from Quann’ra-tioll Moorchlyne’s Most Excellent Compilation of all the realm’s known Ioun Stones. (A superlative game aide. There is nothing more to be written about Ioun Stones.)

Ideas for Replacement Table Replacements

-An arrow which causes all of the target’s ammunition to teleport to you.

-A Shield Shatter Arrow

-A shield. Each arrow that misses you has a 15% chance to ricochet at an enemy.

-A shield. Pour lantern oil on it, it becomes a giant lantern.

-A shield which can be sacrificed to negate a breath effect for the entire party.

-A suit of plate which grants a +2 to saves v. breath, but a -20’ penalty to movement.

-A suit of plate which can be slept in without any penalty.

-A suit of chain. When foes roll a 1, their weapons get stuck between the links of your armor, and they cannot get them out.

-A suit of chain which grants 1 more AC than normal, but missiles fired at allies have a 50% chance to redirect towards you.

-A suit of chain which can cast remove curse on the wearer once every 3 months.

-A halberd which is spectrally attuned. It strikes incorporeal creatures as if they were corporeal.

-A sword which, when drawn, releases a cloud of ash.

Randomly removed from the shop:

  • A bottle of decent-ish red wine which replenishes its own contents as it is drunk. (You drink a cup, it restores one cup’s worth.) Cost: 400sp
  • A 1’ long rod with a switch on the end. Once pressed, the rod will never move from its current position relative to its environment, until the switch is pressed again. Cost: 700sp
  • IIoun Stone 598, Small Grey Cube. “Once per day for the duration of 2 rounds, this IOUN stone allows its owner to use the stone sensing abilities of a Dwarf. Dwarves do not gain any benefit from this stone” Cost: 1500sp


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Thoughts and theories on tabletop games.